Getting There

I have a destination in mind.  When we travel I'm excited about arriving, but I also thoroughly enjoy the journey.  We see new things, new places, new people and sometimes get to taste new food.  I enjoy that.  I have a destination in mind now too.

I have a healthy me in mind.  I want to hurry up and get there, but it's a long journey there, not an airplane ride with nearly instant results.  Along the way so far I've found I love Falafel pita's (new food), and that I'm enjoying jogging (new things), and even like lifting weights and doing strength training.  I'm considering running a 5K in the fall, that will be a new place.  I now know the names of a few and the faces of all the regulars at the Y in the early morning. 

Sometimes on a trip we reach a place in our travelling where it feels like we'll never ever get there.  It feels like we're barely moving and we'll never make it.  "Are we there yet?!"  That's where I sit right now.  But I know that I will.  I know that I have made progress.  I would have to go backwards to get to where I started.  I'm moving towards my goal.  I'm getting there. 

Weight today 195, total lost 16lbs, and 23 inches. 
Today I walked  doing hills, 2.9 miles in 49 minutes, jogging the last 9 minutes.  That's just today.  I've covered miles and miles in my early morning exercising and despite being in the same place location wise I'm getting there physically. :)

Where I've Been

The question wasn't asked but I'm going to answer it.  The last three weeks have been. Ugh. Just Ugh.  Mentally, physically and even emotionally, Ugh.  Nothing big and horrible happened.  Just life in general.  But it's in the past.

Tonight I'm looking forward to about two hours of time to myself.  I'm taking a book, a pad of paper and some magazines.  I'm bringing my ipod and am planning to sit at the coffee shop sipping on a tea or a coffee and just relax.  I have a Vision Collage to create.  What do I see for the future, what do I want? What are my goals?  What is important to me, really important?  What motivates me?  Those are questions I need to contemplate and try to answer.  It's been a week since I started thinking about them and I haven't got solid conclusions yet. 

On my journey to a healthy lifestyle I have rebelled, repented and now returned to the path I want to be on.  But that means for the last month I've plateaued.  NOT a fun place to be.  Those around me are dropping, they are succeeding, they are losing sizes and weight and inches.  I feel like I have, but I haven't.  Not in that last couple of weeks.  But I didn't give up.  Three months in and I have not quit.  Wow.  That in itself is remarkable and worth remembering.   I am succeeding.

I'm researching and learning about probiotics, nitrates, lactic acid, glycomes (sp), interval training, and much more.  I'm looking into how to run.  Considering doing the training for a 5k with my girls.  I've been busy. Just not blogging.

I am thankful that my marriage is strong.  My husband is fantastic and our relationship is very good.  I am blessed.  My children are healthy and our relationship is good also.  I love them all so much.  Giving them a healthy lifestyle is something I really want to do and the fact that it is important to me is coming to my attention.  It is not good for mom to eat healthy and kids to eat junk.  I'm also thankful that Tim not only recognizes my desire to move our lifestyle into a healthier one but supports it!  He even likes my homemade granola. 

Sparkpeople.com has been a blessing.  Friends, in real life and those I've never met in person supporting, encouraging and even at times holding accountable each other.  It's free. That is amazing.  I'm reading The Spark, Chris Downie's book, hence the vision collage.  It's good.  Really good.

 Now I need to go switch the laundry, call the girls in for supper and get ready for Awana.  Have a great week!

Up and Down

The last week I've been up and down emotionally and physically.  Nothing serious or life altering just life in general taking me for a ride.  I added 30 Day Shredd to my exercise plan and ran on a poorer quality treadmill and somewhere in there managed to make both my knees and my left ankle hurt.  That scared me.  What if I get hurt and have to stop exercising?! 

I was so excited to hit 199 and couldn't hardly wait to nail the next few pounds taking me to my next goal.  Then on Sat. and Sunday we ate out.  It was a great weekend, Rebecca was baptised!  Tim's parents took all of us out to eat to a chinese buffet.  I never want to eat at a buffet again.  I feel like I'm wasting money if I don't eat until I'm stuffed.  What a bunch of rot!  It tasted fine but wasn't worth it. 

Monday I walked through most of my cardio and that made me freel frustrated.  When I did run, it hurt. :( So Tuesday I decided to stick with the elliptical.  That didn't hurt!  I was able to do 2+miles without pain.  I left the gym feeling excited. 

Since Tuesdays are Weigh In days I stepped on the scale.  It hadn't budged.  199  What made me so excited last week had me completely bummed and frustrated.  I wanted to blow a raspberry at the scale and punch the wall.  I didn't do either.  So I measured.  Every other time measuring has come through and encouraged me.  I've lost an inch somewhere or other and felt like it was okay, my body was just shifting.  Well, yesterday, not so much.  :(  If I pulled in I could make a half inch difference but that's hardly countable.  So in essence my 5 extra workouts, my dilligence in my food except Sunday (Sat. meal was fine) equalled nothing. 

I am thankful for Sparkpeople.com and for the sparkpeople on there who have friended me.  There were so many kind and encouraging words yesterday.  I knew I was throwing a tantrum but my feelings of disappointment and frustration were real.  I had and have no intention of quitting but I needed to vent.  So I did, and so they encouraged me.  I took a nap, took some time and by evening was in a better state of mind. 

Tim and I talked too.  I can't explain why I didn't lose, but I know that I am still doing the best I can.  He is proud of me.  It's amazing how much that means to me.  My husband and my parents, encouraging words from them just shoot me over the moon. 

I have been taking pictures to chronicle my changes.  I can see slight differences.  I wish I could see major.  I'm a little concerned that while other people see it so clearly, I have to look close.  At least I do see it!!   Also, the size 16s I bought at Goodwill last week that I love, they are baggy by the end of the day.  I'm just so impatient. 

This is week 8 of consecutive exercise.  It feels like forever but when I look at it I can see it both ways.  It's so short a time, and yet such a long time.  Where will I be 8 weeks from now?  I want to see it, I want to know already.  I want to be there. 

I'm hanging on and going to keep going. Perseverance has not been a strong suit of mine in the long term but this is a battle I intend to win, with God's help. 

I'm thankful for today.  Thankful for sunshine and a furnace that works to keep our home warm.  Thankful for Tim's good job that he enjoys.  Thankful for healthy food and the ability to buy it.  Thankful for a workout buddy that keeps coming to get me.  Thankful for lots. 

Six Weeks In

I am six weeks in to the Biggest Loser At Home challenge.  I am 11lbs lighter and 15.5 inches smaller.  I can run over a mile.  I've lifted over 100,000 lbs.  My jeans are too big.  My shirts fit. I had to buy a belt.  I'm getting up at 5 in the morning most weekdays and exercising about an hour each time. 

All of those things I count as successes and I am happy to have conquered them.

Now here's the flipside.  It feels like it is taking forever.   I want more off, faster.  I want to not only participate in this BLAH challenge I want to WIN!  With lots of things I feel no need for competition.  But this is one of those things I most certainly do and to deny it would be to lie.  ($400-600!!!!!)

So what else will it take to help me not only keep going but win?  That I'm not sure.  I'm researching Interval training.  I've already added Strength Training.  ST won't help me drop lbs quickly but will help over the long run and improve the way I look taking me from round and squishy to smaller and tighter.  I am contemplating adding in more exercise.  More workouts.  I've done well up to now with what I'm doing.  I'm really not knocking it! I am just ready for more.  Ready to kick it up a notch.  This is the middle stretch and I have a choice, keep going as I am and possibly plateau or kick it up a notch and pray that it works. 

My diet has been pretty good.  I did have a normal week of blah, you can probably guess which week that would be!  But I'm back on track, Lord willing, to stay.  What can I do there to make it better?  Perhaps reduce carbs and up protein.  My veggie intake is good.  My fat is even ok.  Could be lower, but I'm getting it from healthy sources for the most part.  My water intake is good. 

In a dream world I could have a personal trainer, and a cook, possibly a nutritionist too. But I am not a celebrity, nor do I really want to share the credit for my hard work.  I am doing this, with support from many people but it won't be because someone else took care of the tiny details for me.  Oh, and before you think I'm getting really cocky, I am 100% aware that it is GOD changing me and working in me that has got me this far.  Me, getting up at 5:15 in the morning. . . you don't really think I take credit for that, do you?! lol

November 2009

Feb. 2010

Sara

Goal Met!

Today I made my first goal! I have officially lost 10lbs.  I can book my pedicure.  :D  Only, now I don't want to quite yet.  Funny how that goes, eh?  I want a reason to have had a pedicure. 

I needed that this week.  It was beginning to feel like I'd never make it.  It started to feel like the change wouldn't be happening.  Then I stepped on the scale and it said what I've been waiting to see.  200.4  I started at 211 on January 11th.  That is 5.02% lost!! 

Did you know that weight loss without exercise can actually be up to 25% muscle loss?  I didn't but it sure does make me glad I am exercising and building muscle.  Hopefully I'm building a lot of muscle.  That's what the strength training is supposed to be all about.  That and definition.  I'd love to actually LOOK strong instead of fluffy.

I'm making it at least two miles a day for cardio.  It's either on the treadmill or on the elliptical.  Today I walked over half of the two miles but I had adjusted the incline and usually I leave that flat.  I pushed it with the Strength Training circuit today too.  I'm slowly but surely getting there.  Now if only my body would hurry up and change so I can see it!!! LOL

Sara

Things I Like

I like quiet.  In a clean room. 

I like chocolate and a good book.

I like the ocean and the gorgeous shells that wash up on it's shores.

I like the beach and the way the sand feels beneath my feet.

I like sunshine and how it warms my skin.

I like fires in a fireplace and watching the flames dance while the heat warms me up clear to my bones.

I like stretching after a yawn.

I like the smell of roses especially on a warm summer day.

I like hugs from people I love.

I like fuzzy socks that don't fit in my shoes but keep my toes warm.

I like chairs big enough to curl up in and soft enough to relax into.

I like the sound of my children laughing, especially the giggles.

I like hot baths in bathtubs you can sink in up to your chin.

I like coffee dates with friends where you talk about anything and everything and the coffee is optional.

I like Moms Nights Out and playing games, laughing and praying with friends.

I like gardening and eating tomatoes out of my own backyard.

I like holding a baby and making them smile.

I like listening to my children as they learn to read, learn to add, learn anything new.

I like long trips to new places I've never been before. 

I like shiney things like diamonds and sparkles and fingernail polish.

I like eating oven warm bread with real butter and honey.

I like waking up in my husbands arms and knowing he loves me unconditionally. 

I like holding hands and walking in the rain, or in the sunshine, or in the dark.

I like watching basketball and cheering for my team.

I like second hand stores and finding amazing deals.

I like ordering foods I've never tried before and finding new favorites.

I like falling asleep in my husbands arms and knowing he loves only me the way I love only him. 

I like real whipped cream right out of the can or on top of gingerbread still warm from baking.

I like standing beside the ocean or a lake.

I like giving gifts to people especially when I find something perfect for them.

I like reading book so good they make me laugh and cry.

I like listening to music that makes me want to dance.

I like caramels with nuts and chocolate.

I like stickers.

I like the way Spanish moss makes trees look like old ladies with shawls on.

I like steak medium rare with sauteed mushrooms.

I like long talks.

I like finding a scripture that speaks to me in a way it never has before.

I like singing songs and hymns.

I like being with friends and family especially on special occasions.

I like my house clean.

I like the colors blue and green and purple and red.

I like welcoming my husband home after he's been at work all day.

I like time away from home and being by myself.

I like the way I feel after I've run a mile or even two.

I like to hear encouraging words.

I like recieving gifts especially those that someone thought about and chose just for me.

I like to encourage and help other people.

I like pedicures and massages.

I like spending time with my husband.

I like eating pizza and hot garlic sticks.

I like puppies, kittens and babies of almost any kind of animal.

I like shooting guns and hitting the target as close to the center as possible.

I like succeeding and making goals.

I like the way my children smell after a bath.

I like life.

Week 4 Weigh In for BLAH

This morning was the week 4 weigh in for the BLAH challenge I'm participating in.  I weighed in and an hour later, when I stepped on the scale before going in the shower it had dropped almost another pound!!!  I just laughed.  My week 4 total stands as reported.  202.4  I'm soooo close to 200!! I can hardly wait to break it.

I also measured again this morning.  I'm finding that to be VERY encouraging.  My total inches lost in 4 weeks is 13 inches.  THIRTEEN!!! Three are off my waist, two off my chest, not bust, area.  Tim will be happy it's not melting off my bust the way it usually does.  Although I'm sure it will at some point.  My thigh dropped a couple of inches too, and I know there is more, stronger muscle there than there was 4 weeks ago. 

This morning I decided to get on the treadmill and stick with it for my entire 30 minutes.  I made it to 2 miles in 30 minutes and just a few seconds!! Then I walked to cool down for another five minutes and went .25 of a mile.  I'm excited to have made it jogging/running for 2 miles without stopping! That is exciting. 

I'm reading the book The ABS Diet.  My friend Tiffany recommended it.  The copy I'm reading is so written for men it's not even funny.  There is one out for women now.  I want to check that out as the references to increasing testosterone, etc. just doesn't appeal to me! LOL

I am thankful that today is not my marker for the Pedicure.  Even with the extra near pound before my shower I would've missed by .4 of a pound.  THAT is just not happening. lol  I am going to earn that pedicure and hopefully get to the SPA pedicure too.  I need to go to just under 201 to earn the Spa pedicure.  I have two workout days to make it.  I think I can do it! 

Another positive result for today was that one of the new bras I picked up a few weeks ago while shopping with Tim now fits!! I bought a couple with smaller band or cup sizes while they were $8.  This new one is a pretty one.  :)  So now I have two decent ones to wear!!

On a weird note, I can not find one of my sports bras and I'm also missing a pair of jeans.  Where on earth could they be?  The laundry is caught up. They aren't on the floor under the bed or on the floor of the closet.   That makes 2 pairs of jeans missing.  No one else wears close to my size so where could they be? Odd.  I'm hoping they show up.

That's it for now. 

The Day Before Weigh In

Tomorrow marks the 4th Weigh in.  It will be the measure for 1/4 way through the BLAH challenge.  Just a little over since it's a 15 week challenge, actually.  They say it takes a month to make something a habit.  So I guess then that tomorrow exercising and choosing healthy food is a habit?  I hope so.  It's one I'd like to keep. 

I just tried on the green windbreaker pants I wore the last time the girls and I went cross country skiing.  Last time I was a mite cranky.  Every time I bent over or knelt down the snap popped and the velcro opened on the side.  Today Tim left me his black, fleece lined snowpants to wear because it's cold.  But I tried on the green ones anyway, just to see.  I snapped them easily.  I bent over, bent down, knelt down and twisted and couldn't get the snap to pop open.  YAY!! 

I think tomorrow I may have my oldest take a picture of me wearing what I wore for my before picture 4 weeks ago.  It would be neat to have the pictures to compare.  I'm hoping I will see a difference. 

Tim has been great.  He's such a sweetheart. This morning as we cuddled on the couch for a few minutes before he left for work he told me again that he is proud of me.  I appreciate him telling me that.  It really is pushing me to get up at 5:30 and eat then go to the gym.  I still feel tired but I think it's getting better.  I'm sleeping at night and falling alseep before 1, most of the time it's before 11! So those are good things.  Time with Tim in the morning while the girls are still sleeping is a sweet bonus too.  Although often they are up and that makes it a challenge instead of bonus time.

A sweet friend has offered to have my girls at her house for the day, so Tim and I will be heading to the Scandanavian Spa after Valentines day, for the day!  I wanted to take him there last year and I'm so excited to get to go this year!  And to have the entire day.  It will mean a short week for him, which isn't a bad thing either.  He could use an extra day or two of rest.  He works hard.  My friend, Nikki, lost her husband last week to complications from what started as the Flu.  It's really had me counting my blessings in Tim and thanking God for him. 

On another topic, I think tomorrow I might get to try Zumba!!  I've never done it but it looks like FUN!  It will be a bonus workout as I have every intention of going in the morning too.    Zumba is at night.  It's at the Y and included in the cost of membership so no added fee!  FUN!  If I go I will let you know how it goes. 

Be His Valentine

I take my job as Wife and Mom very seriously.  I study how to do better with this job, striving to learn how to be the best Mom and Wife I can be.  Sometimes I come across something in my studying that hits me in the heart, or square between the eyes, and sometimes it comes a sucker punch to the stomach.  I encountered all three today. 

If you are a Wife and/or a Mom check out www.avirtuouswoman.org. A couple of days ago I got a facebook message about this and decided to check it out.  I read day 2, then day 3.  Today I started with day 1.  One, two, punches landed.  I'm knocked to my knees.  I read day 4.  I'm hit in the heart, then between the eyes and then in the stomach as I go down for the count.  Down again to my knees and on my face before God begging for forgiveness and asking Him to please deliver me from these sins. 

As with all things this isn't out of the blue.  God seems to know I'm a little slow on the uptake with some things.  I need to hear them again and again before I wake up and go "OH! You're talking to ME about that!"  So the girls and I have been reading through Proverbs for a few months, one a day according to the date.  Multiple times in the last six months I've read about a foolish wife who tears down her home with her own hands.  I've read about the wife who's husband can safely trust in her.  I've longed to be that wife and yet I know, I'm not.  My desire and my actions have not agreed. 

I pray that this is a turning point for me and not yet another brief moment of clarity that I soon obscure with my stronger desire to please me.  Now, it's time for me to feed our children, continue to care for them and to work on our home so it is truly a safe haven for Tim to be.   I have an amazing husband, I pray God will continue to teach me how to be an amazing wife. 

Week 3 BLAH

BLAH stands for Biggest Loser At Home, in case you were curious.   Yesterday was our week 3 weigh in and while I wasn't thrilled with my 2.5lb loss originally I have come around to seeing it as the positive it is.  In three weeks I have lost 7.5lbs which is an average of 2.5lbs per week.  If I continue with that average, by the time warm weather hits, 20 weeks from now, I will be AT MY GOAL! That would be June 23rd. 

In case you are thinking "She's crazy, it's warm before then!" Let me remind you that I live in Ontario and that this past summer it most certainly was not. LOL  It is spring like weather but it is not really warm weather.  Not the "I'm hot" kind of weather.  Besides, don't wreck my thinking.  HA HA! 

By my birthday in April I can achieve 180lbs.  It's been nearly 5 years since I last saw 180lbs and I didn't get to stay there very long.  This time I'm playing for keeps.  My birthday is not that far away.  I can so do this!

Oh, and back to the Biggest Loser At Home update.  I am in the top 10!!  I would love to make it into the top 5 but right now it is filled with some very hard working women.  I've got my work cut out for me.  I'm holding my breath that I can really win this.  Inside I believe I can but I'm afraid to believe too hard.  Regardless if I win the money or not I will have won so much!  But the money is a lovely thought, a truly wonderful, "Just think what curriculum I could buy with that! And maybe a pair of jeans too!" thought.  It's fun to imagine.  But day dreaming won't get me where I want to be.  My actions will. 

So here's to actions that speak louder than my words!! Here's to Ipods and TobyMac.  Here's to friends and family who encourage!  Here's to God who not only put the desire in my heart but set plans in motion that I would never have dreamed of asking for.  Thank you!! 

I Feel Pretty

I went to the salon and got my hair cut today.  Trimmed, actually because Tim likes it long and right now I'm enjoying how long it is too.  In fact it was classified as "Extra Long"! That's kinda neat. 

My friend Becky, is the best hairdresser I've ever had.  She only works Saturdays.  I work Saturdays.  So it was such a treat for me to be able to slip in and get my hair cut by her.  I only get it cut about twice a year and she is my preferred choice.  I've had it cut at other places, the $12 haircut places, and wow, I got what I paid for.  *ouch* I won't do that again.  I'm willing to pay the big bucks for her.  She does such a good job! 

Today Tim and I are going on a date. An all day date!  We leave at 2.  Becky washed, cut, and dried my hair. She used the big round brush to leave it in gentle curls at the ends.  I love it.  I feel so pretty with it freshly cut! 

Know what else I like?  Looking in the mirror and seeing me. Not the bloated, way too heavy, fat faced me, but the slimmer cheeks, not so puffy me.  It's like I'm deflating, but in a good way!  It's nice.  I like looking in the mirror and liking what I see. 

The scale may not be rocketing down the numbers but little by little I'm going to gain my healthy self back.  Little by little I'm going to like more and more of what I see in the mirror.  This time I am going to work hard to be thankful to God for where I am right now.  This time I am going to be happy with the changes and while I do look forward to getting smaller and smaller I hope and pray I have the maturity to deal with reality. 

That's it.  That's all for today.  I feel pretty, and I'm thankful for that!

Take A Good Look

Yesterday I had one of those moments where I see something clearly that hadn't been obvious to me until right then.  I listened to my girls talking to each other and I heard me.  I heard a cutting tone of voice where kindness should be. Then I heard impatience where patience should've been.  They are becoming like me.  Oh No!

I would not speak to anyone else's child that way.  I would not use that tone of voice at work.  It is not okay here. 

I had a flash forward picture of myself as an old lady and it wasn't pretty.  It looked pretty clear that if I keep this attitude and way of speaking up I will become a cranky, catty old woman.  The kind of woman people avoid.  The kind that people look over her head or behind her back and either roll their eyes or give sympathetic looks to each other. 







As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man.  Prov.27:19
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Psalm 4:4

Getting up at 5:30 in the morning is challenging me.  I feel tired and just off all day.  I've been excusing my behavior because of this.  But yesterday it occurred to me that I am to be kind, to be gentle, to choose joy regardless of my circumstances. 

Philippians 4:11-13 (thank you Bible Gateway)
¹¹I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. ¹²I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. ¹³I can do everything through him who gives me strength.

Enough of the excuses.  Time to live like I mean to be, be who I long to be, and pray for God to change my heart.  Pray for him to turn my heart towards Him so that I will reflect Him.  That way my children will also begin to reflect Him instead of me.

Riding the Waves of Life

There is so much spinning through my mind at the moment.  My current life, the past, the future.  What I am doing, what I wish I'd done, what I want to do.  It's like being on a carousel.  It's pretty and sprakling and fun but a little bit scary too.  It's going nowhere and not getting anything accomplished really.  Except when you get off, and things steady you can see clearly again. 

I've surrendered myself to the knowledge that life is not a constant except in the fact that it is constantly changing.  Now that I've admitted that I'm learning how to surf.  Because honestly, that's how I see life, like a big ocean and we're riding the waves.  This is evident in my everyday life as well as the big picture life. 

I'm heading into the part of the month where I feel like I'm finally thinking clearly.  I can work quickly and effectively.  I look forward to this part of the month and I'm sad to feel it leave.  I try to hang on but no matter what it still slides away into feeling tired and like I can't get anything done or make good decisions.  Knowing this and knowing that the thinking clearly time is coming I can hang on!  Don't worry, I'm not clinically depressed.  I'm a woman, and that's the way I am.

So today, I've embraced it!  The upstairs bathroom is clean.  Our room looks better than it has since we came home from our trip.  The girls have worked on their rooms and are currently still working.  Two are in the kitchen.  This month we're focusing on Orderliness and it was certainly time to get back into living it instead of just talking about it.

Yet in another part of my life, the homeschool part, today I hit a wall.  I saw it coming.  I did everything I could think of to avoid it.  But today I hit it. Hard.  So our school today is life lessons.  Learning to clean your room, sort your books, help with laundry, do the dishes until they are DONE, not just until the dishwasher is full.  Important things for my daughters to know so they can be competent adults.  I know I can't stay here at the wall banging my head for long.  I wouldn't want to if I could.  I don't really like it here. 

It's January.  That's not an excuse but it is a reality.  The reality is that every January I hit this same wall.  I do think this year I came upon it slower and with less force than previous years.  I'm confident we will bounce back faster as well.  Because I do not want to stay here.  I want to keep moving.  I want to be faithful!  I want to be responsible.  I want to do my job well and hear God say to me, "Well done! You have been a faithful servant."  

There is another part of my life that needs some work.  My role as wife, as Tim's partner, his friend.  I've been coasting a bit and I miss "us" desperately.  I need some "us" time beyond after the girls are in bed.  We didn't really get that even on our vacation.  No one's fault, it just didn't happen.  So I'm working on a few ideas on how to fix that.  I have yet to figure out who to ask but I'm planning to book a sitter for a good part of Saturday.  I'd love to run away for the weekend.  I have it off.  But that's not likely to happen this time.

Now it's time for me to go put the potatoes on to boil and open the corn and beans for supper.  I know no ones really reading this, but it helps me to think it out.  It helps me to know I have written this down so I can come back and do a check to see how I am doing. 


On with life!

Saturday Survival

It's nearly time to go to sleep.  Now would be a good time to turn off the computer and start trying to fall asleep.  It takes me awhile.  I'm so jealous of the way Tim can just close his eyes and be sleeping within minutes.  I've never ever been that way.  I can remember laying awake trying to fall asleep for hours when I was about 9 or 10.  Light off, just trying to go to sleep. 

Anyway,  I wanted to come on and report that today I made good choices.  All day long.  I didn't eat the chips.  I didn't buy the Kit Kat bar, which I love.  I used the same self talk I do on the treadmill, convincing myself I can go just a little bit further, just a little bit longer.  Instead of chips while playing games today I ate frozen blueberries and raspberries then drank a big glass of water.  Instead of a whole candy bar or 3 Lindor chocolates I ate a bite of the chocolate truffle I bought on Wednesday.  Then I had a few Digestive cookies and a cup of tea. 

I have a bag of salad and some lunch meat ready for taking to lunch tomorrow.  I bought bananas and more clementines so we all have good snacks again for tomorrow.  Good choices, little by little I'm making good choices.  Sometimes it's easy peasy.  Other times it's incredibly hard.  But I'm doing it, with God's help.

I am actually counting down days til Tuesday.  Til it's time to weigh in.  Despite wanting to know if this hard work is making a difference or not I did not step on the scale.  As a chronic scale watcher this has been hard, but I think it's good for me.  It was really exciting to see a 3.5 lb drop last week.  I'm hoping for more this week.  Secretly I'm hoping to blow past my 10lb goal for Jan.  :-)  I know it's not totally realistic but I have worked hard.  So it's a possibility.   I promise to not lose heart if it doesn't happen.  It's that time of the month that the scale is likely to reflect water retention weight. If ya know what I mean. 

Tim talked about me today to his sisters.  He told me he's proud of me.  He told his sisters he's proud of me! That's pretty cool.  I like hearin git.  I like positive reinforcement and I love encouragement.  I'm thankful to have a husband who believes in me and loves me no matter what.  I'm thankful for friends and family who love me and support me as well. 

Thanks to all of you. 

Today, I saw the sunrise.

Today I left the house in the dark.  A friend picked me up and we went to the Y.  We exercised and then she brought me home.  Again, in the dark.  Then I sat in my favorite chair and watched as light filled the sky.  I'm not even crabby! I've been wanting to try getting up early to exercise and start my day and today was the day it happened.

I guess technically I didn't see the sun itself rise, but I did see it go from dark to light.  I've been thinking these last few days about how much I miss the sun.  I miss the way it brightens everything.  I miss the warmth of its rays. 

It crossed my mind that in the same way the Son can be missed in my life.  I feel gloomy, I feel sad and feel listless when I miss the Son.  When I'm reading His word things are brighter.  I feel warmth from His love. 

It's interesting to me that the same word, spelled differently stands for both the Light of the World and the light that rules the day.  I need both, desperately.  When they are missing in my life I feel it in ways I can't even describe completely. 

May your day today be filled with both Sunshine and the Son. 

Pay Day! And Other Happy Things.

Yippee!! It's the day I've been waiting for for two weeks.  Pay Day!  I can go and get a new kettle for us, it's been sorely missed the last couple of weeks since leaving it at my sister's house.  I can pick up the little bits of groceries we need, although because of my big shop just before January we're pretty good.  Supper is already planned for tonight, another WHOOHOO! 

I'm also looking forward to Sunday.  We're going to go check out a church I've been wanting to check out for a couple of years.  Harvest Bible in Barrie.  Then afterwards Tim has to go to the Boat Show to take down.  The girls and I however get to play!  I'm thinking Costco for lunch, The Disney Store and Bath & Body Works and maybe Goodwill before heading home.  We may even split a Caramel Apple from Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory. YUM! 

Tonight I have a date with two of my good friends.  It's been way too long since we've had time to chat and tonight that's exactly what the plan is.  Drink tea/coffee and chat.  I've been looking forward to it since last week.  The only downer is that I need to be in bed at a decent time so I can be nice to people for five hours tomorrow at Home Depot, starting at 7 a.m.  Gulp.  I've been staying in bed until almost 9 or later lately.  In fact it's almost ten now and I'm sitting in my bed as I type. 

Before you gasp and feel appalled, I've been up.  I've had breakfast and so have the girls.  I've also paid bills.  I've been awake since 8:30, just happily getting things done from here.  :) 
My muscles are a titch sore today from doing the Biggest Loser workout yesterday.  That's four days in a row of physical activity for me.  I'm on the right track!!  Yesterday I managed to get full and consume my full allotment of calories.  I then went over a tiny bit because the girls had made apple pie.  I had to have a small piece!  But considering I also worked and walked for 3 hours I'm thinkin' it all evens out. 

On another positive note, for the first time in several days I didn't wake up after having a nightmare!  The one yesterday was awful so I'm very happy to have it be just a dream.  My dad is healthy and happy, not dying from a brain tumor.  I told you it was a bad dream. 

Okay, the girls are coming in to talk to me which is a good sign it's time!  Time to get going on school.  Time to get on with our day.  This is IT! :D

Beginning Again, Again.

I went back to the first blog I posted here and wanted to cry and laugh.  It could've been written today or last month, or six months ago.  Please God, let it not be true six months from now.  The mental image of a hamster running on a wheel and getting nowhere fast until she's exhausted comes to mind.  The past two years have been like me on a wheel.

Today I started again again, again.  God's mercies are new everymorning.  His faithfulness stretches to the skies.  What is man that He is mindful of him?  He created the stars that sing his praise, he created birds that have beauty beyond anything man has yet created who sing his praise.  And then there's me, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I know that full well. 

Today I stepped on the scale and I am so thankful that last night I had already set in motion goals, plans, incentives for the next 15 weeks.  That number was higher than my starting point back in November.  I could've cried and felt defeated but I didn't.  Instead I felt immensely grateful that I do have a plan in place, I do have incentives for motivation and people who will encourage me. 

Today I simply made one choice at a time.  I climbed onto the treadmill, turned on my music and started walking.  It felt GOOD.  It felt incredible.  I am so glad I did it, and so thankful for the hot tub after! 

Isn't it interesting how life is continually shifting and changing and yet all we need to do is each day take one moment, each decision at a time?  Homeschooling is like that too.  The entire book looks daunting, but one page or section a day, one chapter a week and little by little you make your way through.  Until at last you reach the end and the goal is met.  The kids know how to identify birds and insects.  The little one who struggled to sound out three letter words is reading compound words with ease.  Take it bigger, the entire IDEA of teaching your children yourself is daunting, but breaking it down into small goals, daily, then weekly, then monthly, before hitting yearly and before you know it you've got five years under your belt and all the kids are thriving.  Praise God.  He is enough. 

So I've made some small goals.  I've made daily, weekly and monthly goals that will carry me through to the end of April.  I think my husband may just have a major incentive in store for me come Easter.  He wants to take me home.  Home meaning Illinois.  Maybe. 

See, he doesn't have any strings on that.  I'm attaching strings.  He wants to take me home, but how sweet it would be to be able to go home healthy, or healthier.  So in my mind I'm making that another reason to succeed.  I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  I have bins full of clothes waiting to fit me.  I have pretty skirts and cute jeans.  I have outfits! 

In fact I have a hot red dress I've never worn.  It's been to Mexico, it's been to Paris, France.  I've never been those places but my red dress has!  It's gorgeous and flattering and if I persevere, putting that red dress on, looking fabulous and wearing it for my sweet husband would absolutely make my day. 

Proverbs 12:11 says 11 A hard worker has plenty of food, but a person who chases fantasies has no sense.  Seeing my success in my head and not working towards it won't get me any closer to the goals I have made. 

Now, it's time for me to get some rest so I can do my best again tomorrow.  Goodnight.

Momentum Lost and Momentum Gained

I think it's fair to say that I have a somewhat short attention span when it comes to hard work.  If there's a goal I can see then I can push through and make it, but if it's around the corner I'm apt to sit down and eat some chocolate while I get frustrated about how far away the goal is.  My January plans to begin where I left off in early December for getting healthy pretty much stalled at the Start line.  We're a third of the way through the month and I'm aimless.  I have no motivation and no goal, at least until tonight.

Then tonight, in walked a girl offering a Spa Package at a significantly lower price than if you bought the treatments separately.  It's been nearly 3 years since I went to this Spa last and I adored it when I did go.  Tim let me go for my 30th B'day and it was pretty much the best birthday ever.  So as soon as she told me what and how much my mind went, "INCENTIVE!"    The start date to be able to use it is Feb 1st.  I'm going to pretend it says Feb. 12th.    That gives me 30 days from tomorrow to make a difference.  I want to say 10lbs, but I think that is pushing it.  Five is do-able, but maybe just a touch too doable.  So perhaps I'll settle on 7? 

Then after I came home I read an e-mail from a friend.  There's  Biggest Loser type challenge happening and she's participating.  I thought to myself when I read it that that would be so neat, but she lives in Alberta, I live in Ontario.  Way too far away to do it.  But she said you don't have to live near her!! Wait, what?!  Seriously?  So I am excited about the potential to joining in on their challenge!  I need to give some thought to my goals for not just the next 30 days but the next 90. 

What do you know, that puts me just right before a particularly important day to me.  My 33rd birthday!  I'm getting excited.  I can almost feel it.  The desire to eat right, to pay attention.  The desire to put on a dvd and move my body!  The desire to get on the treadmill!!! YAY! 

I do believe I may have found some motivation!

Thoughts On Staying Home

These last three days I have been able to stay home.  Tomorrow I am scheduled to work, and for the five days following that I am also scheduled to work.  Welcome back to reality for me. 

I'm thinking about changing my reality.  I would like to find something that would allow me to be at home, earn what I need to earn and still be home.  I'm even considering Daycare and I do not like daycare.  The thing is, it's not exactly Daycare I'm considering so much as seeing about taking one or two littles into our home to love.  No more than two. 

I miss babies.  I miss toddlers.  It hasn't been that long since my girls were toddlers but it feels like forever.  I've got enough distance now to want some of it back.  The gooey grins, the slobbery smiles, the snuggles while reading books before naps.  Even the tantrums that make you crazy and laugh at the same time. 

So I'm thinking about checking into what it would take to have a baby or two into our home.  My oldest would absolutely love helping to take care of a little.  Our homeschooling is going well and I think we could do it.  Maybe.

I'm open to other options and ideas.  If you have some, do share.  I do not have a degree.  I love to write and adore reading.  I don't really have or take the time to write since for me it's an all or nothing thing.  I either fall all the way into it or I don't want to go there.  I can't do it just a little.  Besides writing takes months and years to start earning.  With my current schedule I don't have time to do that kind of research etc.  Nor would I know where to start. 

Just putting a voice to thoughts that have been in my head for quite awhile.  I like Home Depot and the people I work with.  I hate leaving the house, leaving my family evenings and weekends to be there.  If there were something else. . . .:) Just thinking. 

Home Depot also offers 50% coverage for dental, but in reality that coverage has done very little for us.  It's only for every 9 months for exams and cleanings. There's a deductible that must be met every year, so really it's paying about 25% of our bill for the girls.  So I'm working my tail off for what?

Oh yeah, to pay down debt.  I know.  I remember.  I've checked our budget.  My head is on straight.  Just wishful thinking. No, make that prayerful thinking.  I like being home.  I like the way our home is looking after I've been home for 3 days with no work over my head. 

Just thinking. :)

Mmmm Coffee!

I like coffee.  I like it hot and I like it cold.  I do not like it lukewarm, I won't drink it. I like it with half & half, not milk and definitely not sugar! However, I also like flavored creamers which are sweet.  But those are for afternoon coffee, like right now.  Not for first thing in the morning coffee.

I like Starbuck frou frou coffees, mostly because they drizzle real caramel in my Caramel Macchiatto and top it all off with a full froth of whipped cream.  The real stuff, not the edible vegetable biproduct icky junk.  Mmmm. Coffee.

I drink decaf.  It's not the caffeine I crave because I don't crave caffeine.  In fact I avoid caffeine, it makes me feel funny and makes my mind spin at night instead of falling asleep.  Since as you can probably guess I have trouble getting to sleep in the first place caffeine is not my friend. 

It's the smell.  The flavor.  The taste of a really good cup of coffee that pulls me and makes me sigh with pleasure.  It's the remembering of good friends I've shared chats with while sipping a cup.  It's the flashback to "kid coffee" at my Grandma's house, more milk than coffee but still a special treat.   

Right now I'm sipping a cup of decaf Tim Horton's coffee with a healthy dollop of Vanilla Toffee Caramel creamer in it.  Wish you were here to share it with me.  That would make it taste even better.