I love being a mom. It's what I always wanted to do more than be a teacher, or a nurse, or a writer. I wanted to be a mom. I dreamed about it, played it with dolls even into age thirteen when most girls have outgrown that. I lived it vicariously while babysitting some of the cutest kids ever. However reality is even better than all of that. Yes, honesty makes me also say that it is harder and sometimes worse too, but I still love it.
Sometimes I ponder what my passion is, what gets me going more than any other topic, or thought? The one answer I keep finding is this, being a mom. Homeschooling our girls ties into that since it is an enormous part of that in our life right now. I would miss so much if my girls were at school all day. I wouldn't get to listen to them learn to read. I wouldn't be there to see their face light up when they figure out how to do the math problem that's been driving them crazy. Someone else would get to smile and tell them, "good job!" when they worked hard and finished reading their first big book, or writing a short story.
This is the one job that the worker is working themselves right out of a job every time. My goal as a mom is to train my children to be adults who bring glory to God and contribute to the world in a positive way. Hopefully someday they too will love being a mom. The first nearly twelve years of being a mom have flown by and as I'm in the middle of my job I can see that there is an end to this job. Today I will treasure doing exactly what I've always wanted to do, be the mom.
Friday, January 7, 2011
Thursday, January 6, 2011
Thankful
The month of December passed by in a blur. Tim had just three weeks off starting December 10th instead of finishing around December 1st as in other years. Since he was home I offered to work more at Home Depot. Work I did. So much so that the baking and candy making I had looked forward to all fall didn't happen. We ran out of time. I had no energy. I blinked and the days were gone.
It's already the sixth of January and we are most of the way through our first week back at school. The house is messy but starting to improve. Today is my third day off of three in a row and my peace is slowly returning. I am happy to be home. Yesterday we had an appointment in the city and did many errands as well as a couple of fun things which took all day. We arrived home exhausted and were happy to be here, mess and all.
I have learned that putting too many things on my plate, even if they are good, fun things that I want us to do results in me feeling exhausted, cranky, and anything but peaceful. Our decision this fall to scale back and be home more was a good decision. Even as my heart twinges at the things the girls are missing out on this fall/winter/spring in a moment it is gone and it swells with joy as I listen to them enjoying simple things like going outside to play. It's good to simply Be Still and know that He is God.
I think that is probably the theme for this year. It seems like every year God has put a theme on my heart, for two years I sat at Get Wisdom, Get Understanding. This year I think he's telling me to slow down, sit still and just know.
One of my goals for the year is to daily read scripture. I've already missed and we're six days in, but that brings me to the second theme of the year. The one that came initially. Don't Give Up. I quit so easily, sigh, shrug, feel horrid that I failed again. This year as I think I said in an earlier blog I'm going to work on just getting back up and going again. Kinda funny actually when I think about it. Sit still, then get back up and try again.
For the moment now though, I am sitting with my favorite mug filled with a new favorite coffee and just being content and thankful to be here right now. Thankful to have my girls happily playing outside in the snow. Thankful to have an opportunity to be quiet. Thankful to be at the start of a new year. Thankful for food to eat, coffee to drink, and clothes to wear. Thankful for an upcoming weekend in the city. My heart jumps and I smile just thinking about that one. Thankful for friends that I can trust and who enjoy my girls. Thankful for a few more months with treasured friends before they move on to a new stage of life. Thankful.
It's already the sixth of January and we are most of the way through our first week back at school. The house is messy but starting to improve. Today is my third day off of three in a row and my peace is slowly returning. I am happy to be home. Yesterday we had an appointment in the city and did many errands as well as a couple of fun things which took all day. We arrived home exhausted and were happy to be here, mess and all.
I have learned that putting too many things on my plate, even if they are good, fun things that I want us to do results in me feeling exhausted, cranky, and anything but peaceful. Our decision this fall to scale back and be home more was a good decision. Even as my heart twinges at the things the girls are missing out on this fall/winter/spring in a moment it is gone and it swells with joy as I listen to them enjoying simple things like going outside to play. It's good to simply Be Still and know that He is God.
I think that is probably the theme for this year. It seems like every year God has put a theme on my heart, for two years I sat at Get Wisdom, Get Understanding. This year I think he's telling me to slow down, sit still and just know.
One of my goals for the year is to daily read scripture. I've already missed and we're six days in, but that brings me to the second theme of the year. The one that came initially. Don't Give Up. I quit so easily, sigh, shrug, feel horrid that I failed again. This year as I think I said in an earlier blog I'm going to work on just getting back up and going again. Kinda funny actually when I think about it. Sit still, then get back up and try again.
For the moment now though, I am sitting with my favorite mug filled with a new favorite coffee and just being content and thankful to be here right now. Thankful to have my girls happily playing outside in the snow. Thankful to have an opportunity to be quiet. Thankful to be at the start of a new year. Thankful for food to eat, coffee to drink, and clothes to wear. Thankful for an upcoming weekend in the city. My heart jumps and I smile just thinking about that one. Thankful for friends that I can trust and who enjoy my girls. Thankful for a few more months with treasured friends before they move on to a new stage of life. Thankful.
Saturday, January 1, 2011
Anew
Beginnings are things that excite me. I like the freshness, the possibilities that "new" brings. Sometimes I am terrified also, but generally I like beginnings very much. Today finds us at the beginning of a new month, a new year, and a new decade. I want very much to have 2011 be the year of beginning anew.
I could fill this post with my goals and desires for this year, but really you could just go back and read what I've written over the last few and they are much the same. I'm just starting anew. Again. And my goal is to keep going. To this year make it through the year and look back to see that I did well.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. I'm ready to begin 2011 anew.
I could fill this post with my goals and desires for this year, but really you could just go back and read what I've written over the last few and they are much the same. I'm just starting anew. Again. And my goal is to keep going. To this year make it through the year and look back to see that I did well.
Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. I'm ready to begin 2011 anew.
Sunday, December 19, 2010
Life at our house.
The colorful lights on our Christmas tree are glowing in the semi-darkness of our living room. The tree is enormous, so much bigger than it looked in the parking lot of the grocery store where we bough it. I think it doubled in size on the way home. It's a gorgeous blue spruce that makes me a little sad that it's only going to be beautiful a few weeks longer.
When we first were married I loved decorating our tree with the ornaments from our wedding. All burgundy and gold and green. Gold bows and white lights looked so pretty and together. Over the last twelve Christmas's (we didn't even have a tree our first year in our home, but we had two at our wedding!) we've added childish ornaments. Handmade angels, snowmen, stars, and a special ornament picked out each year for each of the girls. That makes up a lot of ornaments. None of them match, but they are all a fun memory of a year gone by. This year thanks to a good friend the girls and I have an ornament purchased at Disney, in remembrance our family vacation last year. (The one I wish we were experiencing again! lol)
On the top of the tree is my daughter's red angel. She loves it. It fits, so it's there. My gorgeous angel with brocade and gold lace is too tall with this tree to fit.
On our coffee table are not one but two nativity scenes all with the glass figures centered around the baby in the manger. The angel, my tree topper angel is looking down on all of them.
There are five stockings strewn around the room. My youngest is so curious as to what I will put in hers and what I will put in daddy's and can she help? (no, lol) There are gifts already wrapped and under the tree and I have more in my room waiting to be wrapped. It's a bit of a mess out here and I'm too tired to clean it up right now.
So blessed.
My three beautiful girls are watching television with their daddy. They are cuddled around him on our bed. I think now it's Myth Busters. My youngest was out here in the living room with me for awhile, playing game on my phone.
Thirteen years ago I dreamed of today and had no idea what it would really be like. It's not what I hoped, not what I expected. Rarely are the things God gives me actually what I thought I wanted. Sometimes it's better, and sometimes I'm disappointed. But for better or worse, this is where we are today, now. Where will I sit thirteen years from now? My heart trips as I think of that and I push the thought aside. I don't want to know. I just want to enjoy today and wait and see what tomorrow brings.
Thirteen years ago today was the last day of my life as Sara Burks. Thirteen years ago tomorrow I became Sara Adams. So blessed.
When we first were married I loved decorating our tree with the ornaments from our wedding. All burgundy and gold and green. Gold bows and white lights looked so pretty and together. Over the last twelve Christmas's (we didn't even have a tree our first year in our home, but we had two at our wedding!) we've added childish ornaments. Handmade angels, snowmen, stars, and a special ornament picked out each year for each of the girls. That makes up a lot of ornaments. None of them match, but they are all a fun memory of a year gone by. This year thanks to a good friend the girls and I have an ornament purchased at Disney, in remembrance our family vacation last year. (The one I wish we were experiencing again! lol)
On the top of the tree is my daughter's red angel. She loves it. It fits, so it's there. My gorgeous angel with brocade and gold lace is too tall with this tree to fit.
On our coffee table are not one but two nativity scenes all with the glass figures centered around the baby in the manger. The angel, my tree topper angel is looking down on all of them.
There are five stockings strewn around the room. My youngest is so curious as to what I will put in hers and what I will put in daddy's and can she help? (no, lol) There are gifts already wrapped and under the tree and I have more in my room waiting to be wrapped. It's a bit of a mess out here and I'm too tired to clean it up right now.
So blessed.
My three beautiful girls are watching television with their daddy. They are cuddled around him on our bed. I think now it's Myth Busters. My youngest was out here in the living room with me for awhile, playing game on my phone.
Thirteen years ago I dreamed of today and had no idea what it would really be like. It's not what I hoped, not what I expected. Rarely are the things God gives me actually what I thought I wanted. Sometimes it's better, and sometimes I'm disappointed. But for better or worse, this is where we are today, now. Where will I sit thirteen years from now? My heart trips as I think of that and I push the thought aside. I don't want to know. I just want to enjoy today and wait and see what tomorrow brings.
Thirteen years ago today was the last day of my life as Sara Burks. Thirteen years ago tomorrow I became Sara Adams. So blessed.
Tuesday, December 14, 2010
I have a Keurig!
That's all really. :)
I sent a text to my mom this afternoon to tell her the girls gifts had arrived. So she called me. I ended up calling her back using our MagicJack and while we were on the phone another knock at the door came. Tim answered it and walked back into our bedroom where I was chatting on the phone carrying a HUGE box. It said Keurig on it.
So I said to mom, "Did you buy me a Keurig?" She said. "Yes." I almost cried. I did tear up. A few minutes later, more chatting and Tim tells me that I should tell her it just came. I figured she knew, forgetting she can't see what I see. So I told her that when I asked her that Tim has just walked in carrying the box.
I think it made her day to have been on the phone with me and heard my reaction when I saw it. We talked for a few more minutes then i told her I needed to go since I wanted a coffee. LOL It came with 18 flavors to try. We went to the grocery store to pick up two other flavors I'd seen but didn't buy since I didn't own a machine and it sure wasn't going to be purchased by me this Christmas. Wow.
I love it. Tomorrow we're going to the city and will check out some more cool flavors, some hot chocolate, and teas even. I can't believe it. We have a Keurig!
I sent a text to my mom this afternoon to tell her the girls gifts had arrived. So she called me. I ended up calling her back using our MagicJack and while we were on the phone another knock at the door came. Tim answered it and walked back into our bedroom where I was chatting on the phone carrying a HUGE box. It said Keurig on it.
So I said to mom, "Did you buy me a Keurig?" She said. "Yes." I almost cried. I did tear up. A few minutes later, more chatting and Tim tells me that I should tell her it just came. I figured she knew, forgetting she can't see what I see. So I told her that when I asked her that Tim has just walked in carrying the box.
I think it made her day to have been on the phone with me and heard my reaction when I saw it. We talked for a few more minutes then i told her I needed to go since I wanted a coffee. LOL It came with 18 flavors to try. We went to the grocery store to pick up two other flavors I'd seen but didn't buy since I didn't own a machine and it sure wasn't going to be purchased by me this Christmas. Wow.
I love it. Tomorrow we're going to the city and will check out some more cool flavors, some hot chocolate, and teas even. I can't believe it. We have a Keurig!
Sunday, December 12, 2010
Christmas Past
I used to love Christmas. The pretty houses with colored lights with reflections that sparkled on the snow making streets that most of the year look plain and boring look like a carnival could happen at any moment. Cutting down a Christmas tree and hauling it in the house. It's branches and sap filling our home with it's fresh tangy scent. Talking about the ornaments as we hung them on the branches, eating popcorn and drinking hot chocolate. Dad getting frustrated with the lights and sometimes a little angry. Kids fighting over who got to hang which ornament.
I loved thinking of what I could give and buying the best I could. Making pictures, making ornaments. Trying so hard to make or find something special for those I love. Desiring to give a gift that would be treasured.
I loved singing carols and listening to them. Christmas music surrounds you no matter where you go! From the Nutcracker Suite and Handles Messiah to Joy to the World and yes, even Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, I loved it.
At school I remember anticipating the Christmas story they would play over the intercom, bit by bit each morning for the weeks leading up to Christmas break. The Christmas story, Jesus birth story came to life for me as I listened to the story played out in a radio theater style.
Somewhere in the growing up though something began to drain away. I began to notice things about Christmas. Like the disappointment in a gift given just to say a gift had been given. Something that didn't suit me and showed that the person who I thought knew me, really didn't. A gift that was almost what I wanted and fit the description of what was asked for but missed the mark by being a cheaper version than hoped for, or just wrong by color or brand because that version was less expensive. Almost what was asked for, but not quite. Sometimes leaving me with the feeling that I'm almost worth it, but not quite.
I noticed that the family I looked forward to spending time around sometimes didn't like being around each other. And sometimes I didn't want to be around them. Yet I loved it still.
Christmas eve, years and years of Christmas Eve together with the Wheats and Grandma Burks. Delicious foods to fill our stomachs, followed by hours of playing with cousins and the endless waiting for SIX O'CLOCK, the present hour! Listening to Luke 2 as my dad read the Christmas story out in his deep pastor voice. "And it came to pass in those days. . . ." Gifts opened and treasured. Books to read! Gum! Chocolates! A china doll, a favorite perfume! Watching others open their gifts and watching their eyes light up with pleasure. So many happy memories. I honestly thought they would last forever. Kid's do think that.
But they don't. Kids grow into adults and move away. Traditions turn into treasured memories.
I used to love Christmas.
I loved Christmas so much that I chose to have a Christmas wedding. Christmas trees on either side of the stage, white lights and poinsettia's as decorations. Green, burgundy and gold were our wedding colors and Christmas decorations were the decorations for the reception hall, the tables covered in pine boughs. A Christmas dinner with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc. was our dinner. I loved Christmas.
I don't love Christmas anymore. Shhhhh! Don't say that too loudly!
But it's true. I don't love it. I'm disenchanted, tired of being hurt. Tired of being disappointed. I don't know what to do exactly. Do I even want it back? What I thought was Christmas wasn't. Not really.
Do you know that my 11.5 year old only realized this past November that Christmas has the word CHRIST in it?! I thought she knew. We've talked about it being a celebration of Christ's birth, not the actual day of course but a celebration of the day regardless of what calendar date he arrived. We've read Luke 2. She's been in church her entire life. She's homeschooled!! which is supposed to make kids holier. (Total tongue in cheek there and dripping with sarcasm.) How could she not know?
Perhaps because the focus is not on Christ. No matter what we say, it's just not. It's on gifts. It's on family. It's on food and fun and none of those things are wrong! Not a single one. But the holiday (holy day) Christmas (Christ Mass) is no longer a true time of worship. There are some out there who do worship and a few to whom it is still that, but let's be honest. Even for believers, followers of Christ, Christmas is no longer truly about Christ. It's just not. And our actions, our shopping, our stressing, our bank statement all tell the truth even if we won't.
To be continued. (maybe)
I loved thinking of what I could give and buying the best I could. Making pictures, making ornaments. Trying so hard to make or find something special for those I love. Desiring to give a gift that would be treasured.
I loved singing carols and listening to them. Christmas music surrounds you no matter where you go! From the Nutcracker Suite and Handles Messiah to Joy to the World and yes, even Frosty the Snowman and Rudolph the Red Nose Reindeer, I loved it.
At school I remember anticipating the Christmas story they would play over the intercom, bit by bit each morning for the weeks leading up to Christmas break. The Christmas story, Jesus birth story came to life for me as I listened to the story played out in a radio theater style.
Somewhere in the growing up though something began to drain away. I began to notice things about Christmas. Like the disappointment in a gift given just to say a gift had been given. Something that didn't suit me and showed that the person who I thought knew me, really didn't. A gift that was almost what I wanted and fit the description of what was asked for but missed the mark by being a cheaper version than hoped for, or just wrong by color or brand because that version was less expensive. Almost what was asked for, but not quite. Sometimes leaving me with the feeling that I'm almost worth it, but not quite.
I noticed that the family I looked forward to spending time around sometimes didn't like being around each other. And sometimes I didn't want to be around them. Yet I loved it still.
Christmas eve, years and years of Christmas Eve together with the Wheats and Grandma Burks. Delicious foods to fill our stomachs, followed by hours of playing with cousins and the endless waiting for SIX O'CLOCK, the present hour! Listening to Luke 2 as my dad read the Christmas story out in his deep pastor voice. "And it came to pass in those days. . . ." Gifts opened and treasured. Books to read! Gum! Chocolates! A china doll, a favorite perfume! Watching others open their gifts and watching their eyes light up with pleasure. So many happy memories. I honestly thought they would last forever. Kid's do think that.
But they don't. Kids grow into adults and move away. Traditions turn into treasured memories.
I used to love Christmas.
I loved Christmas so much that I chose to have a Christmas wedding. Christmas trees on either side of the stage, white lights and poinsettia's as decorations. Green, burgundy and gold were our wedding colors and Christmas decorations were the decorations for the reception hall, the tables covered in pine boughs. A Christmas dinner with turkey, stuffing, mashed potatoes, etc. was our dinner. I loved Christmas.
I don't love Christmas anymore. Shhhhh! Don't say that too loudly!
But it's true. I don't love it. I'm disenchanted, tired of being hurt. Tired of being disappointed. I don't know what to do exactly. Do I even want it back? What I thought was Christmas wasn't. Not really.
Do you know that my 11.5 year old only realized this past November that Christmas has the word CHRIST in it?! I thought she knew. We've talked about it being a celebration of Christ's birth, not the actual day of course but a celebration of the day regardless of what calendar date he arrived. We've read Luke 2. She's been in church her entire life. She's homeschooled!! which is supposed to make kids holier. (Total tongue in cheek there and dripping with sarcasm.) How could she not know?
Perhaps because the focus is not on Christ. No matter what we say, it's just not. It's on gifts. It's on family. It's on food and fun and none of those things are wrong! Not a single one. But the holiday (holy day) Christmas (Christ Mass) is no longer a true time of worship. There are some out there who do worship and a few to whom it is still that, but let's be honest. Even for believers, followers of Christ, Christmas is no longer truly about Christ. It's just not. And our actions, our shopping, our stressing, our bank statement all tell the truth even if we won't.
To be continued. (maybe)
Thursday, December 2, 2010
I had a dream
I had a dream, a vision for our family before I married. I wanted our home to be the place the kids loved to come. I envisioned a room big enough for a television for movies, maybe a pool table. A stable maybe with a couple of horses, a basketball net with a slab of concrete and lines painted on. A fun place to be.
I had a dream of a church where people knew our names, our first names. Knew us and we knew them. Where I knew if someone was hurting and could send them a card or stop for a visit. I'd hear if someone were sick and could take them a meal. Of a church where they preached God's love, and His word and Sunday mornings especially were dedicated to worshipping Him. A church that had meals together, spent time together, cried together, laughed together, lived as the body of christ.
I had a dream for my children of friends for them. A dream of a best friend for each of them. Someone to talk to and confide in to encourage them. A friend who loves God the way they do and is the iron to their iron sharpening each other.
I have a home. I have children. They have friends. But none of those dreams have become reality. Sometimes, reality just sucks. I feel like venting here and letting all the vile things in my head and chest out right now but I'm repressing it.
I have a higher standard than most people do. That's just the truth of it. When it comes to my kids and what I want for them my goals, visions, ideas of what is right and good for them are not running parallel to culture, and YEP I mean Christians in that statement because to tell you the truth I do not see a difference anymore worth mentioning between most "christians" and those who have never claimed to be one.
I had a dream of a church where people knew our names, our first names. Knew us and we knew them. Where I knew if someone was hurting and could send them a card or stop for a visit. I'd hear if someone were sick and could take them a meal. Of a church where they preached God's love, and His word and Sunday mornings especially were dedicated to worshipping Him. A church that had meals together, spent time together, cried together, laughed together, lived as the body of christ.
I had a dream for my children of friends for them. A dream of a best friend for each of them. Someone to talk to and confide in to encourage them. A friend who loves God the way they do and is the iron to their iron sharpening each other.
I have a home. I have children. They have friends. But none of those dreams have become reality. Sometimes, reality just sucks. I feel like venting here and letting all the vile things in my head and chest out right now but I'm repressing it.
I have a higher standard than most people do. That's just the truth of it. When it comes to my kids and what I want for them my goals, visions, ideas of what is right and good for them are not running parallel to culture, and YEP I mean Christians in that statement because to tell you the truth I do not see a difference anymore worth mentioning between most "christians" and those who have never claimed to be one.
Tuesday, November 23, 2010
MWA weekend and a Mini Vacation
It was six months in the making and lasted just 36 or so hours but the memories of our second annual MWA/SKU (ska depending on who spells it) weekend will last forever. Mom's Weekend Away is what I painted onto the gold stars to give out to those who came. Sku/ska is a long running nickname for Dutch Blitz and the term of choice to shout out when you need to in the game to indicate you won. SKA! There were several games of it this weekend and I happened to be the winner of one!
Last year we had a couple of cottages at Darcy's By The Bay. It was fun but the cleaning our way out wasn't hugely thrilling. This year I found a different location thanks to a college friend who had a trip planned to Ontario. I found Carriage Hills Resort. There are all sorts of resorts around here but finding one that allowed 8 women in the same space and that didn't cost the earth? That was tricky. Then our sweet Julia figured out that if she used RCI to book it she could book the week for the same! SOLD!
And tada we have a MWA weekend and a Mini Vacation rolled into one. Julia offered the extra days out to anyone who wanted them for $20/night. In a condo. Near home. With a pool. Add those things up and mix in us not going anywhere for Christmas this year, me feeling very sorry for myself because of that and just feeling sad and you get a chance to have some fun anyway.
Now, what happens at MWA stays at MWA so I can't tell you more details. Although the chocolate cake recipe (wheatless!) is fantastic and so amazing. Dense, rich, it's more like eating a truffle or a super rich brownie than cake. It was amazing.
On Sunday afternoon the last two ladies headed out. I had the condo to myself for a couple of hours before Tim and the girls arrived. I filled the giant tub with water and soaked for a bit. I have to confess that without a book it was boring. You know a girl doesn't watch much tv when she's sitting in front of one, on a Sunday afternoon and wishes there was something to do and checking the TV for a basketball game or football game doesn't even cross her mind. Yes, I'm that sad. And Yes, I was that tired.
After Tim and the girls came we went to the pool. It is an indoor/outdoor pool with a swimout. They have a hot tub outside too. This in my opinion is sheer brilliance. There is nothing like sitting in a tub of hot water when the air is frigid around you. It's like sticking your tongue out at winter. Bring it on!
The last couple of days have been fabulous in a simple, quiet way. I brought no school work. We had literally nothing to do and it was wonderful. We swam a couple of times a day. The girls did an activity yesterday making edible necklaces. Today they had local vendors set up and we shopped for a little bit and chatted a little bit more. One of the vendors is neighbors with another homeschooling family we know. The one night we were swimming G made friends with a little girl only for me to realize the girls is a daughter of a rather new friend. Small world.
Today I am calm and relaxed. I'm tired, it's true. I'm praying I sleep before one tonight. I'd sure love to wake up feeling rested and ready for the day.
This week is Thanksgiving week in the States. This Thurs. the girls and I will be back at the condo for a night to play with friends this time. Just one more small day of fun. This year instead of sitting at home wishing to be with family and friends I will be with friends. We probably won't have turkey, maybe pizza instead, but when it comes down to it, it's not really about the food it's about the people.
I am so thankful for the time we had, for the friends I have and for a God who loves me without strings.
Last year we had a couple of cottages at Darcy's By The Bay. It was fun but the cleaning our way out wasn't hugely thrilling. This year I found a different location thanks to a college friend who had a trip planned to Ontario. I found Carriage Hills Resort. There are all sorts of resorts around here but finding one that allowed 8 women in the same space and that didn't cost the earth? That was tricky. Then our sweet Julia figured out that if she used RCI to book it she could book the week for the same! SOLD!
And tada we have a MWA weekend and a Mini Vacation rolled into one. Julia offered the extra days out to anyone who wanted them for $20/night. In a condo. Near home. With a pool. Add those things up and mix in us not going anywhere for Christmas this year, me feeling very sorry for myself because of that and just feeling sad and you get a chance to have some fun anyway.
Now, what happens at MWA stays at MWA so I can't tell you more details. Although the chocolate cake recipe (wheatless!) is fantastic and so amazing. Dense, rich, it's more like eating a truffle or a super rich brownie than cake. It was amazing.
On Sunday afternoon the last two ladies headed out. I had the condo to myself for a couple of hours before Tim and the girls arrived. I filled the giant tub with water and soaked for a bit. I have to confess that without a book it was boring. You know a girl doesn't watch much tv when she's sitting in front of one, on a Sunday afternoon and wishes there was something to do and checking the TV for a basketball game or football game doesn't even cross her mind. Yes, I'm that sad. And Yes, I was that tired.
After Tim and the girls came we went to the pool. It is an indoor/outdoor pool with a swimout. They have a hot tub outside too. This in my opinion is sheer brilliance. There is nothing like sitting in a tub of hot water when the air is frigid around you. It's like sticking your tongue out at winter. Bring it on!
The last couple of days have been fabulous in a simple, quiet way. I brought no school work. We had literally nothing to do and it was wonderful. We swam a couple of times a day. The girls did an activity yesterday making edible necklaces. Today they had local vendors set up and we shopped for a little bit and chatted a little bit more. One of the vendors is neighbors with another homeschooling family we know. The one night we were swimming G made friends with a little girl only for me to realize the girls is a daughter of a rather new friend. Small world.
Today I am calm and relaxed. I'm tired, it's true. I'm praying I sleep before one tonight. I'd sure love to wake up feeling rested and ready for the day.
This week is Thanksgiving week in the States. This Thurs. the girls and I will be back at the condo for a night to play with friends this time. Just one more small day of fun. This year instead of sitting at home wishing to be with family and friends I will be with friends. We probably won't have turkey, maybe pizza instead, but when it comes down to it, it's not really about the food it's about the people.
I am so thankful for the time we had, for the friends I have and for a God who loves me without strings.
Wednesday, November 17, 2010
I was getting an Iphone.
Last night I was buying an Iphone. I'd done the research and due to the screen size of the Blackberry Torch I was getting an iphone. I could hardly wait!! Anticipating it was fun. I decided to go to Costco to price check, not to buy. I'd buy at Rogers from Brad, the amazing cell phone dude.
And then.
And then there was a customer in front of me so I had to wait. So while I waited I played with the Iphone. The touchkeypad is a pain in the butt. It kept typing the wrong letter and then I'd have to slow down to fix it. Grrrr. But still, it's an Iphone!! Then I looked over and they had an HTC Desire and I played with that. Oooh, sweet!!! It has a slideout keyboard. No way!! And the camera is awesome! And it has the potential for up to 32 gig memory!! Hooo this is fun!
And then.
And then she told me I could get $25 back with that phone, and it was already about $35 cheaper than the iphone. Then she said I'd get a free charger with the HTC and I could keep my plan and just add a data plan to it. . . . . sweeeeeeet.
So then.
So then I texted Tim that I was in Costco. He called me and we chatted. He said to go for it.
So I now own an HTC Desire and it is beautiful, fun, wonderful and ooh so amazing. I don't want to own another phone ever. I want it to work forever. YAY!!! I'm still a tad sad not to own an iphone, but I am super happy with my new phone, my new mini computer like phone. :D Merry Christmas to Sara.
And then.
And then there was a customer in front of me so I had to wait. So while I waited I played with the Iphone. The touchkeypad is a pain in the butt. It kept typing the wrong letter and then I'd have to slow down to fix it. Grrrr. But still, it's an Iphone!! Then I looked over and they had an HTC Desire and I played with that. Oooh, sweet!!! It has a slideout keyboard. No way!! And the camera is awesome! And it has the potential for up to 32 gig memory!! Hooo this is fun!
And then.
And then she told me I could get $25 back with that phone, and it was already about $35 cheaper than the iphone. Then she said I'd get a free charger with the HTC and I could keep my plan and just add a data plan to it. . . . . sweeeeeeet.
So then.
So then I texted Tim that I was in Costco. He called me and we chatted. He said to go for it.
So I now own an HTC Desire and it is beautiful, fun, wonderful and ooh so amazing. I don't want to own another phone ever. I want it to work forever. YAY!!! I'm still a tad sad not to own an iphone, but I am super happy with my new phone, my new mini computer like phone. :D Merry Christmas to Sara.
Monday, November 15, 2010
I AM A MOM
I am not a maid, a housekeeper, a cook, a nanny, an entertainer, or a magician. People who are those things get paid for doing them. I do not get paid for cleaning up the messes you made which is why I will not do it for you, you need to learn to do it yourself. When you drop your toys, clothes, books, paper scraps on the floor, when you make a sandwich and leave jelly on the counter I will not simply pick them up or wipe them up. I am not Alice from the Bradybunch getting paid to pick up after mess makers. I am a MOM.
As a mom my job is to provide meals that nourish your growing body and brain. It is not to deliver food that tastes yummy to your mouth every single time. So no, I do not care that you don't like it. You will eat what I make because that's what's been provided, and you will not complain. This is not a restaurant, I am not a cook.
I do clean the house, wash clothes, prepare meals, do lesson plans and teach you things you need to know. All of this is done in the few waking hours I have that I am not working a part time job to help provide the things you actually need. So when you do not have school work to do or a job that needs done, which you will do because you are part of this family, I will not entertain you. God gave you a brain, an imagination, and your dad and I have bought you toys. Grandma got you a Wii, and God created a gorgeous world outside for you to play in, go entertain yourself! If I hear, "I'm bored" I will find you a job to do because I am your mom.
I know where your shoes, boots, pencil, eraser, Awana book, and much more are supposed to be and if you, the owner, put them in the correct place that is exactly where they will be. So you will have no need of a magician to help you locate them. In fact if your room is tidy and the toy/school area is too because you have done your jobs and kept them that way you won't need a magician either.
Because this world is not magic but things cost money I can not and will not buy the entire American Girl catalog, get you a horse, or even be able to do things that I really would love to give you. If I were a magician and could just fill our bank account with money then we would have a larger house in the country and you would have a dog and maybe a horse. But I am not, so we don't. Talk to God about it.
Let's go back to the housekeeper/maid thing. Cause and effect here. . .if you make a mess where I just cleaned I will be angry. Count on it. When I work hard to clean up the upstairs and come downstairs and it is such a disaster that we can not do school until we spend an hour cleaning up I will be angry. I will work along side you to clean it up, but I will also warn you that if this keeps up I will sell the Wii and I will get rid of toys and things that are left out. If you can not take care of what you have then you can't have it.
I am a mom. My job is to train children in the way they should go. That means I teach you, the child, to clean up after yourself, to learn to learn, to respect other peoples property and to be responsible with what you own. It means that I teach you to love God and honor him. It means that when I lose my temper and yell I apologize. It means that my heart breaks when I can't give you what you want and sometimes what you need.
I am a mom. I do not earn money for jobs I do in our home for our family that if I did the same for another family I would earn a lot of money doing. It means that I love you more than I would love any child I was paid to care for in the same way. So no, I am not a maid, a housekeeper, a cook, or a magician I am more than that. So much more than that, I am your mom.
As a mom my job is to provide meals that nourish your growing body and brain. It is not to deliver food that tastes yummy to your mouth every single time. So no, I do not care that you don't like it. You will eat what I make because that's what's been provided, and you will not complain. This is not a restaurant, I am not a cook.
I do clean the house, wash clothes, prepare meals, do lesson plans and teach you things you need to know. All of this is done in the few waking hours I have that I am not working a part time job to help provide the things you actually need. So when you do not have school work to do or a job that needs done, which you will do because you are part of this family, I will not entertain you. God gave you a brain, an imagination, and your dad and I have bought you toys. Grandma got you a Wii, and God created a gorgeous world outside for you to play in, go entertain yourself! If I hear, "I'm bored" I will find you a job to do because I am your mom.
I know where your shoes, boots, pencil, eraser, Awana book, and much more are supposed to be and if you, the owner, put them in the correct place that is exactly where they will be. So you will have no need of a magician to help you locate them. In fact if your room is tidy and the toy/school area is too because you have done your jobs and kept them that way you won't need a magician either.
Because this world is not magic but things cost money I can not and will not buy the entire American Girl catalog, get you a horse, or even be able to do things that I really would love to give you. If I were a magician and could just fill our bank account with money then we would have a larger house in the country and you would have a dog and maybe a horse. But I am not, so we don't. Talk to God about it.
Let's go back to the housekeeper/maid thing. Cause and effect here. . .if you make a mess where I just cleaned I will be angry. Count on it. When I work hard to clean up the upstairs and come downstairs and it is such a disaster that we can not do school until we spend an hour cleaning up I will be angry. I will work along side you to clean it up, but I will also warn you that if this keeps up I will sell the Wii and I will get rid of toys and things that are left out. If you can not take care of what you have then you can't have it.
I am a mom. My job is to train children in the way they should go. That means I teach you, the child, to clean up after yourself, to learn to learn, to respect other peoples property and to be responsible with what you own. It means that I teach you to love God and honor him. It means that when I lose my temper and yell I apologize. It means that my heart breaks when I can't give you what you want and sometimes what you need.
I am a mom. I do not earn money for jobs I do in our home for our family that if I did the same for another family I would earn a lot of money doing. It means that I love you more than I would love any child I was paid to care for in the same way. So no, I am not a maid, a housekeeper, a cook, or a magician I am more than that. So much more than that, I am your mom.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Christmas Cookies
Two heads shared space over a favorite cookbook. They flipped the pages discussion the merits of one cookie then another. After several sessions they reached some conclusions. They each chose at least one recipe they wanted to make. Boo picked Chocolate Clouds, and Chocolate Almond Biscotti. Kinz picked Chocolate Sugar Cookies.
So Boo and I went shopping to pick up the almonds we need for her biscotti. We picked up a chicken for supper, some bread for the party tomorrow and a few other ingredients. We didn't get baking chocolate so Kinz had to switch cookies and chose peanutbutter blossoms instead.
Now on my counter there are two dozen Chocolate clouds (Meringue with cocoa and chocolate chips), and a dozen Peanut Butter Blossom cookies. Dough for the next couple of dozen PBblossoms is ready to go into the fridge and finish tomorrow. The biscotti will have to wait too. This mom is whooped.
But the season has begun. Our first round of Christmas cookies are in process. Happy Holidays!
So Boo and I went shopping to pick up the almonds we need for her biscotti. We picked up a chicken for supper, some bread for the party tomorrow and a few other ingredients. We didn't get baking chocolate so Kinz had to switch cookies and chose peanutbutter blossoms instead.
Now on my counter there are two dozen Chocolate clouds (Meringue with cocoa and chocolate chips), and a dozen Peanut Butter Blossom cookies. Dough for the next couple of dozen PBblossoms is ready to go into the fridge and finish tomorrow. The biscotti will have to wait too. This mom is whooped.
But the season has begun. Our first round of Christmas cookies are in process. Happy Holidays!
Wednesday, November 10, 2010
Daily Stuff
My couch is covered in clean folded clothing waiting to be put away. I hate putting laundry away. So glad the girls are old enough to put it away themselves!
My kitchen is clean. I love that. I love clean countertops, shiny sinks, open space. Thanks to my two new pantry cupboards my kitchen is looking more open, more spacious than it has in a long time.
There's one cupboard still in the kitchen that I can't decide if I want to put in the laundry room or leave there. I have a love/hate relationship with it at the moment as I love the convenience of it but hate the way it is THERE in the way, cluttering up my space. But if it's not there then the stuff inside needs to go back in that same spot but be out in the open, and the other stuff goes back into the cupboards which is fine. But I could really really use that same pantry cupboard in the laundry room. I could put the clean linens in it, put the many needed rolls of toilet paper in it, and paper towels too! Ooh, the possibilities! Which do I want more? I don't know.
I want my kitchen painted brown. Blast it all for not getting my stuff together and buying it during the paint sale when I could've got 30% back! I suppose I will simply have to wait for the next sale. I'm going to paint it (Tim is going to paint it) chocolate brown. It will go beautifully with my lovely red wall in my living room. Then I'm going to put some wall-words up. Just have to decide which ones and then get the money together to buy them. Coffee is a theme in my kitchen/dining room area. I'd love a cool poster with all sorts of coffee cool things on it. I love antiques too.
I love it when things are orderly and tidy. Why is it that it's so hard to keep it there once you get it?
My kitchen is clean. I love that. I love clean countertops, shiny sinks, open space. Thanks to my two new pantry cupboards my kitchen is looking more open, more spacious than it has in a long time.
There's one cupboard still in the kitchen that I can't decide if I want to put in the laundry room or leave there. I have a love/hate relationship with it at the moment as I love the convenience of it but hate the way it is THERE in the way, cluttering up my space. But if it's not there then the stuff inside needs to go back in that same spot but be out in the open, and the other stuff goes back into the cupboards which is fine. But I could really really use that same pantry cupboard in the laundry room. I could put the clean linens in it, put the many needed rolls of toilet paper in it, and paper towels too! Ooh, the possibilities! Which do I want more? I don't know.
I want my kitchen painted brown. Blast it all for not getting my stuff together and buying it during the paint sale when I could've got 30% back! I suppose I will simply have to wait for the next sale. I'm going to paint it (Tim is going to paint it) chocolate brown. It will go beautifully with my lovely red wall in my living room. Then I'm going to put some wall-words up. Just have to decide which ones and then get the money together to buy them. Coffee is a theme in my kitchen/dining room area. I'd love a cool poster with all sorts of coffee cool things on it. I love antiques too.
I love it when things are orderly and tidy. Why is it that it's so hard to keep it there once you get it?
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Too much.
There is so much going on in my head right now. I can't even separate it out into nice tidy blogs because there's too much and it's all mixed together. I'm thankful that in a few minutes the girls and I are going to a friends house just to hang out and play. I think I need it.
My head is pounding. Stress is hovering and pushing down on my shoulders and back. Interesting how something not physical can literally weigh you down.
I have so much to be thankful for. There is so much I am thankful for. I still want to scream STOP! And have a week, a month, a year to straighten things out, fix things, make them work properly. But that's not the way life goes. Hang on, work as you run ahead to tomorrow. Try not to screw it up like yesterday.
The sermon Sunday was about forgiveness. About how Christ's death on the cross once and for all healed that break between God and man, if we will just accept it. There will still be consequences on earth, humans are not God and do not grant immediate and full forgiveness. I appreciate the reminder that in God's eyes I am forgiven because in my own I am condemned. Again and again, beaten, broken and unworthy.
On the outside I look calm for the most part. I work to keep a sembelance of cheerfulness (fake it til ya make it!). Inside my head, my heart, my spirit though I can feel a tightening like a spring pushed down just before it releases.
When there's too much I'm overwhelmed and paralyzed. Too much to deal with? Just shut down and run on autopilot. And my too much is so little compared to so many. Here comes another cycle of guilt for the very thought of not being content and strong in my reality.
Why so downcast oh my soul? Put your trust in God. Put your trust in God.
I will put my trust in God.
My head is pounding. Stress is hovering and pushing down on my shoulders and back. Interesting how something not physical can literally weigh you down.
I have so much to be thankful for. There is so much I am thankful for. I still want to scream STOP! And have a week, a month, a year to straighten things out, fix things, make them work properly. But that's not the way life goes. Hang on, work as you run ahead to tomorrow. Try not to screw it up like yesterday.
The sermon Sunday was about forgiveness. About how Christ's death on the cross once and for all healed that break between God and man, if we will just accept it. There will still be consequences on earth, humans are not God and do not grant immediate and full forgiveness. I appreciate the reminder that in God's eyes I am forgiven because in my own I am condemned. Again and again, beaten, broken and unworthy.
On the outside I look calm for the most part. I work to keep a sembelance of cheerfulness (fake it til ya make it!). Inside my head, my heart, my spirit though I can feel a tightening like a spring pushed down just before it releases.
When there's too much I'm overwhelmed and paralyzed. Too much to deal with? Just shut down and run on autopilot. And my too much is so little compared to so many. Here comes another cycle of guilt for the very thought of not being content and strong in my reality.
Why so downcast oh my soul? Put your trust in God. Put your trust in God.
I will put my trust in God.
Thursday, November 4, 2010
Good Things
Tonight was a plain and simple night of the most wonderful kind. We had a simple dinner of omelets and toast. Then we packed up our bags and box for the Library. I'm thankful we waited until Tim could come too. He's so good at carrying big heavy things!
We spent an hour at the library and then stopped at Walmart on our way home to get chocolate chips so I could make him cookies. Tomorrow he is going hunting for the first time in several years. He's excited!! He's also excited about homemade cookies. He called his dad before we left home and checked about taking a lunch. His dad is bringing ham sandwiches and Tim will bring the chocolate chip cookies.
I started mixing the cookies and realized we had a critical problem. No brown sugar. I could make a different cookie but he wanted chocolate chip! So my sweet husband looked at our middle child who was on her way to bed as the time was already 8:30, and said, "Get your coat and shoes on." Her face lit up and she hurried to obey. A daddy date is not something you take your time deciding on, if he offers, GO! And she did.
They called me from Walmart and confirmed the dark brown sugar would work. Then he grabbed baking soda for me, and checked for pecans, of which there are none. He asked if I needed anything else and I said no. There wasn't. Not that I need.
Just a few minutes later they are home and my sweet middle child sang out, "Delivery for Sara!" She called me into the kitchen to see the treasure she'd found. I knew she had a Twoonie so I expected to see a pack of gum, or a bag of candy. Instead she held up a frozen Turtle Cake. The one I had drooled over and put back on our first trip this evening to Walmart.
She then grinned, her eyes sparkling and told me, "My daddy date's not done, I have to watch him play cars!" Which means x-box. He looked at me with a sheepish grin and said, "Just ten minutes!" Of course I didn't say a word, just smiled and they scampered down the stairs before I told them it was way too late for her to be up, which it was. But for a daddy date? How could I say no?
So I spent the last hour listening to Josh Groban serenade me with Christmas songs while I baked chocolate chip cookies for my husband to take with him hunting tomorrow. As I sit here I am filled with contentment and thankfulness. It's been a good day.
We spent an hour at the library and then stopped at Walmart on our way home to get chocolate chips so I could make him cookies. Tomorrow he is going hunting for the first time in several years. He's excited!! He's also excited about homemade cookies. He called his dad before we left home and checked about taking a lunch. His dad is bringing ham sandwiches and Tim will bring the chocolate chip cookies.
I started mixing the cookies and realized we had a critical problem. No brown sugar. I could make a different cookie but he wanted chocolate chip! So my sweet husband looked at our middle child who was on her way to bed as the time was already 8:30, and said, "Get your coat and shoes on." Her face lit up and she hurried to obey. A daddy date is not something you take your time deciding on, if he offers, GO! And she did.
They called me from Walmart and confirmed the dark brown sugar would work. Then he grabbed baking soda for me, and checked for pecans, of which there are none. He asked if I needed anything else and I said no. There wasn't. Not that I need.
Just a few minutes later they are home and my sweet middle child sang out, "Delivery for Sara!" She called me into the kitchen to see the treasure she'd found. I knew she had a Twoonie so I expected to see a pack of gum, or a bag of candy. Instead she held up a frozen Turtle Cake. The one I had drooled over and put back on our first trip this evening to Walmart.
She then grinned, her eyes sparkling and told me, "My daddy date's not done, I have to watch him play cars!" Which means x-box. He looked at me with a sheepish grin and said, "Just ten minutes!" Of course I didn't say a word, just smiled and they scampered down the stairs before I told them it was way too late for her to be up, which it was. But for a daddy date? How could I say no?
So I spent the last hour listening to Josh Groban serenade me with Christmas songs while I baked chocolate chip cookies for my husband to take with him hunting tomorrow. As I sit here I am filled with contentment and thankfulness. It's been a good day.
Monday, October 25, 2010
Christmas is coming!
It is a fantabulous day outside, warm with a breeze that is so un-end of October like. It smells like spring. Oh how I wish that were true, but despite this gorgeous day I know full well what is coming. Winter. Snow. Ice. Cold. But something good too, Christmas!
Sometimes I wish Christmas were in February or late January as it would give more time during that cold season to look forward to it instead of having it already done. But this year like all others in my lifetime Christmas will arrive on the 25th day of December. I hope there is snow. I hope the day sparkles like a diamond. I hope my children remember this Christmas as one where Jesus was real to them.
So how do I go about making sure that happens? Snow I have non control over or we would only have it for a 48 hour period Dec 24-25th. But the mood in our home, the focus of our celebration, that I can control, that is up to me largely! I am the MOM, the homemaker, the celebration creator, the gift thinker upper and wrapper, the cookie maker, you get the point. And I have three little Mom's in the making. Daughters of the King ready to learn how to best serve Him.
This is the beginning of my thinking so I don't have a solid plan yet, just an idea, some thoughts rolling around in my head. I want us to do a service project, go to soup kitchen, hand out brown bags with meals in them, do something for people who have less than we do. I want to hostess this year, invite people into our home because relationships are something God is all about. Perhaps we will purposely observe Advent in our home this year. I'll need to do some research on that. The gifts the girls give one another, could they be hand crafted? They are growing so quickly, how can I meaningfully capture their hearts this year and preserve a bit for the future?
Our gift giving will be smaller this year than probably ever before. Even that though is a way we are honoring Christ, Tim and I. How can I give from the heart and feel that it is enough? I plan to bake and make candies and give a platter to a few people on purpose in the hopes that my baking will ease their entertaining duties this year maybe. I love to make homemade caramels, fudge, pretzels coated in caramel and chocolate, chocolate covered peanutbutter crackers, etc. By staying home this year those are all possible.
This year we will have a real Christmas tree and I hope that the adventure of picking one out is something our girls treasure. I have fond memories of walking through snow to pick out the perfect tree, and of my dad cutting it down. Hot apple cider, the smell of pine and the cold all mingle in my mind and make me smile.
What do you do to make Christmas different than other times of the year? How do you keep it Christ centered and how have you noticed it with your children? This is the time of year dedicated to celebrating Christ and yet the holiday (holy day) has been steadily morphing into a secular gifts/family/food/greed (dare I say it?) time of year instead. How to keep the JOY and the fun while celebrating Christ is my question. Share with me?
Sometimes I wish Christmas were in February or late January as it would give more time during that cold season to look forward to it instead of having it already done. But this year like all others in my lifetime Christmas will arrive on the 25th day of December. I hope there is snow. I hope the day sparkles like a diamond. I hope my children remember this Christmas as one where Jesus was real to them.
So how do I go about making sure that happens? Snow I have non control over or we would only have it for a 48 hour period Dec 24-25th. But the mood in our home, the focus of our celebration, that I can control, that is up to me largely! I am the MOM, the homemaker, the celebration creator, the gift thinker upper and wrapper, the cookie maker, you get the point. And I have three little Mom's in the making. Daughters of the King ready to learn how to best serve Him.
This is the beginning of my thinking so I don't have a solid plan yet, just an idea, some thoughts rolling around in my head. I want us to do a service project, go to soup kitchen, hand out brown bags with meals in them, do something for people who have less than we do. I want to hostess this year, invite people into our home because relationships are something God is all about. Perhaps we will purposely observe Advent in our home this year. I'll need to do some research on that. The gifts the girls give one another, could they be hand crafted? They are growing so quickly, how can I meaningfully capture their hearts this year and preserve a bit for the future?
Our gift giving will be smaller this year than probably ever before. Even that though is a way we are honoring Christ, Tim and I. How can I give from the heart and feel that it is enough? I plan to bake and make candies and give a platter to a few people on purpose in the hopes that my baking will ease their entertaining duties this year maybe. I love to make homemade caramels, fudge, pretzels coated in caramel and chocolate, chocolate covered peanutbutter crackers, etc. By staying home this year those are all possible.
This year we will have a real Christmas tree and I hope that the adventure of picking one out is something our girls treasure. I have fond memories of walking through snow to pick out the perfect tree, and of my dad cutting it down. Hot apple cider, the smell of pine and the cold all mingle in my mind and make me smile.
What do you do to make Christmas different than other times of the year? How do you keep it Christ centered and how have you noticed it with your children? This is the time of year dedicated to celebrating Christ and yet the holiday (holy day) has been steadily morphing into a secular gifts/family/food/greed (dare I say it?) time of year instead. How to keep the JOY and the fun while celebrating Christ is my question. Share with me?
Saturday, October 23, 2010
Church in the Kitchen
Last night was one of those treasured memory making nights with friends. I could honestly tell you I went to church last night in my own kitchen. When you think about what church is, worshiping God, enjoying Him, learning about Him, praying to Him and all done in the fellowship of other believers. Yep. I went to church in my kitchen last night.
I also won SKA, aka Dutch Blitz. Wow. That hasn't happened in my known memory! I won as in got to 100 points first. Must've been the time of morning we played and the growing sleepiness of the other players. NAH it was all skill! That's what it was! Somewhere in the evening I also did not win Settlers of Catan, but sure had some great conversation while playing it, not that I could specifically tell you about what right now.
The conversation ranged from this weeks push it to the limit attitudes from various kids to Bible translations and who owns them to the Breast Plates of righteousness, and yes I pluralized that on purpose. The thought just makes me laugh. I've got pictures to prove it! Ya had to be there and I'm so glad I was, that they were. Here that is. Here in my kitchen being the church, worshiping with me. Laughing, praying, playing, and talking with me, for that I am so thankful.
I'm working on about four hours sleep today and doing ok. Sometimes we need things other than sleep to fill us up. I needed last night. I'm looking forward to the next one and thanking God for the women and friends he's put in my life right now. God is good.
I also won SKA, aka Dutch Blitz. Wow. That hasn't happened in my known memory! I won as in got to 100 points first. Must've been the time of morning we played and the growing sleepiness of the other players. NAH it was all skill! That's what it was! Somewhere in the evening I also did not win Settlers of Catan, but sure had some great conversation while playing it, not that I could specifically tell you about what right now.
The conversation ranged from this weeks push it to the limit attitudes from various kids to Bible translations and who owns them to the Breast Plates of righteousness, and yes I pluralized that on purpose. The thought just makes me laugh. I've got pictures to prove it! Ya had to be there and I'm so glad I was, that they were. Here that is. Here in my kitchen being the church, worshiping with me. Laughing, praying, playing, and talking with me, for that I am so thankful.
I'm working on about four hours sleep today and doing ok. Sometimes we need things other than sleep to fill us up. I needed last night. I'm looking forward to the next one and thanking God for the women and friends he's put in my life right now. God is good.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
I Get Knocked Down
But I get up again, you ain't never gonna keep me down. Isn't that how the song goes? I actually prefer Toby Mac's Get Back Up. We lose our way but we get back up again. May be knocked down but not out forever. This is love callin' out to the broken.
Call me broken. Call me longing for what I used to have. No matter how far my heart may have wandered, no matter how long it's been since I paid attention. It's never too late to get back up again.
Toby Mac is a man of God and anyone who thinks differently hasn't really read his lyrics or listened to the songs the man sings. His song Hold On is reaffirming God's love and faithfulness. It reaches my heart.
His cd Tonight is one of my all time favorites. And now back to our regularly scheduled blog.
Tim and I are doing the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University Home kit. Last night we watched week 3. This is a big week. It's the week we work on the cash flow plan. That is a nice name for Budget. I really do like it better. Instead of a budget being something telling me what I have to do a Cash Flow Plan is me telling my money where to go and what to do. I like that. I'm bossy like that. One of the outstanding notes of the night was his continued emphasis on keep trying, keep working on it, it's not going to work the first time perfectly.
That idea of not expecting perfection the first time is a concept that I need to apply to most areas in my life. Instead of giving up before I start because I can't do it the first time (lazy?), try and keep working at it, it's worth it. Constant correction, that's what Andy Stanley said. It's going to take constant correction, and Mr. Ramsey just emphasized that again.
In about 90 days you'll start getting the hang of it. Three MONTHS to get it right?! Are you kidding?!?! Ok. Taking a deep breath I've already done it sort of for the last couple. This month still counts as month one, but hey, I've already had some practice, that's a good thing! Then he said that even then it's going to need doing every month. I could feel a chill go up my spine. Every month, forever? Uh, I'm not good at forever like that. There are only two things I've done long term, love my husband and stay married to him, and love my kids. LOL Nope, that's not three, that's two.
I've been given the tools to do this well. I've got the dvd series, the workbooks, the support of good friends, and even the online tools from Mr. Ramsey for 91 days, which is the length of the FPU class. I've got the tools to do other things well also. I've got the Bible. I've got school curriculum. I've got friends and spousal support.
I didn't get this far from God, this far from faith in a week. I'm not going to get back in a week. It was deliberate steps that took me away, my decisions to not read His word, to not pray. It's going to take little decisions to get back. Reading the Bible daily and thinking on it, not just reading it to check it off my list. Praying for my children daily the way I always wanted to, why on earth did I stop?!
I know perfectly well we can't cover a years curriculum in a month, but it's laid out intentionally to cover it in a year. If we do a day at a time, week after week we will conquer it and the girls WILL have an excellent education. Lesson by lesson, day by day, month after month will turn into school year after school year. I can do this and do it well.
I'm not even going to tackle my health right now. I'm babystepping in a few areas already and need to keep my balance. Put too much before me and I crumple. As my heart turns back towards God and I babystep towards Him I'm going to have faith that the other areas in my life will follow.
Call me broken. Call me longing for what I used to have. No matter how far my heart may have wandered, no matter how long it's been since I paid attention. It's never too late to get back up again.
Toby Mac is a man of God and anyone who thinks differently hasn't really read his lyrics or listened to the songs the man sings. His song Hold On is reaffirming God's love and faithfulness. It reaches my heart.
His cd Tonight is one of my all time favorites. And now back to our regularly scheduled blog.
Tim and I are doing the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University Home kit. Last night we watched week 3. This is a big week. It's the week we work on the cash flow plan. That is a nice name for Budget. I really do like it better. Instead of a budget being something telling me what I have to do a Cash Flow Plan is me telling my money where to go and what to do. I like that. I'm bossy like that. One of the outstanding notes of the night was his continued emphasis on keep trying, keep working on it, it's not going to work the first time perfectly.
That idea of not expecting perfection the first time is a concept that I need to apply to most areas in my life. Instead of giving up before I start because I can't do it the first time (lazy?), try and keep working at it, it's worth it. Constant correction, that's what Andy Stanley said. It's going to take constant correction, and Mr. Ramsey just emphasized that again.
In about 90 days you'll start getting the hang of it. Three MONTHS to get it right?! Are you kidding?!?! Ok. Taking a deep breath I've already done it sort of for the last couple. This month still counts as month one, but hey, I've already had some practice, that's a good thing! Then he said that even then it's going to need doing every month. I could feel a chill go up my spine. Every month, forever? Uh, I'm not good at forever like that. There are only two things I've done long term, love my husband and stay married to him, and love my kids. LOL Nope, that's not three, that's two.
I've been given the tools to do this well. I've got the dvd series, the workbooks, the support of good friends, and even the online tools from Mr. Ramsey for 91 days, which is the length of the FPU class. I've got the tools to do other things well also. I've got the Bible. I've got school curriculum. I've got friends and spousal support.
I didn't get this far from God, this far from faith in a week. I'm not going to get back in a week. It was deliberate steps that took me away, my decisions to not read His word, to not pray. It's going to take little decisions to get back. Reading the Bible daily and thinking on it, not just reading it to check it off my list. Praying for my children daily the way I always wanted to, why on earth did I stop?!
I know perfectly well we can't cover a years curriculum in a month, but it's laid out intentionally to cover it in a year. If we do a day at a time, week after week we will conquer it and the girls WILL have an excellent education. Lesson by lesson, day by day, month after month will turn into school year after school year. I can do this and do it well.
I'm not even going to tackle my health right now. I'm babystepping in a few areas already and need to keep my balance. Put too much before me and I crumple. As my heart turns back towards God and I babystep towards Him I'm going to have faith that the other areas in my life will follow.
Thursday, October 14, 2010
There is no Arizona
There are some friends who when you are around them you are a better person. They are the iron that sharpens the iron of you. They encourage, strengthen, and bless your life. I have been blessed with a couple of those friends. Even more blessed to have one live just around the corner from me.
Homeschooling can be lonely. Like anything worth doing in life it's hard, and it takes courage and often I need encouragement. When you are surrounded by likeminded people it makes it that much easier to do. When those likeminded people think in a different way than you do they help you see things from a different perspective and gain insight that you wouldn't find on your own.
In the past six years my friend has challenged my by her own actions to get outside and take my kids sledding, skiing, iceskating, or just for a walk in the snow. Our families have gone together and sometimes we've gone without the husbands. Sometimes it's been with other families. We've sat on the beach, walked through the woods, skiied over trails, talked around campfires, played together, laughed together, lived.
I know that what I have here is something special. It's not everywhere. Game nights filled with games, laughter, good food and prayer. It's been my church. For the last three years especially this group of homeschooling mom's has been my church.
Tonight my world shifted. My dear friend is moving, soon, and far away, probably to Arizona. Yeah, this is all about me right now. Later I'll be able to be happy for them, excited even for the new adventure but tonight I just cry. If I'd known this was our last summer I'd have made more of an effort to be with them more. If I'd only known. Hindsight is 20/20 I know. I feel robbed and ache for this to not be true. I ache for my children. Her kids are some of their best friends.
I don't want to fathom a future where I don't get to watch those children grow into adults. I don't want my children to not have these children in their future. God is in control, He works all things together for good. I know that. But tonight I'm going to cry and it sounds a lot like a country song. There is no Arizona.
Homeschooling can be lonely. Like anything worth doing in life it's hard, and it takes courage and often I need encouragement. When you are surrounded by likeminded people it makes it that much easier to do. When those likeminded people think in a different way than you do they help you see things from a different perspective and gain insight that you wouldn't find on your own.
In the past six years my friend has challenged my by her own actions to get outside and take my kids sledding, skiing, iceskating, or just for a walk in the snow. Our families have gone together and sometimes we've gone without the husbands. Sometimes it's been with other families. We've sat on the beach, walked through the woods, skiied over trails, talked around campfires, played together, laughed together, lived.
I know that what I have here is something special. It's not everywhere. Game nights filled with games, laughter, good food and prayer. It's been my church. For the last three years especially this group of homeschooling mom's has been my church.
Tonight my world shifted. My dear friend is moving, soon, and far away, probably to Arizona. Yeah, this is all about me right now. Later I'll be able to be happy for them, excited even for the new adventure but tonight I just cry. If I'd known this was our last summer I'd have made more of an effort to be with them more. If I'd only known. Hindsight is 20/20 I know. I feel robbed and ache for this to not be true. I ache for my children. Her kids are some of their best friends.
I don't want to fathom a future where I don't get to watch those children grow into adults. I don't want my children to not have these children in their future. God is in control, He works all things together for good. I know that. But tonight I'm going to cry and it sounds a lot like a country song. There is no Arizona.
Wednesday, October 13, 2010
Can People Change?
Can I change? This is on my mind right now. As I mentioned in my last blog I read through a devotion journal and saw that my struggles then are still my struggles now. So my thoughts have turned to wondering if what I've believed to be true really is. That God changes people. Does he? Always?
Because from where I'm sitting, I'm sincerely wanting to change, and have been for 10 years. The same desire to change the same things. Working on it, praying about it, feeling like there is hope and then I turn around and look and nope, not really a change. Same issues.
So is it me? Is there something wrong with me? I don't have enough faith, or I don't want it enough? Is it God. Does he really promise to change people?
Right now I keep flipping mentally back to Paul. His thorn in the side. God didn't remove it from him. Whether that thorn was physical, or spiritual is highly debated. Regardless, he wanted it gone and God didn't move it.
If these things that I want to change, and they are things that would be good change, haven't changed after so long trying will they ever? If you've read this blog at all you can probably name them. The big 3. My handling of money, my weight and my diligence with teaching the girls.
Is there hope? Right now I just don't know. I'm swinging back and forth between my upbringing which says, "Of course! There is always hope! God changes hearts." and my reality right now which is, "Nope. I don't see evidence for me that I can or will change permanently."
Not a fun place to be but here I sit. Here I think. I want my faith that I can change, back. But I don't want an empty, hollow faith in that, I want proof, real life evidence that I can and will change. It's the middle of the day so it's not a midnight mood. Hormones probably are playing a part, they always are, aren't they? Nonetheless this is where I am.
Because from where I'm sitting, I'm sincerely wanting to change, and have been for 10 years. The same desire to change the same things. Working on it, praying about it, feeling like there is hope and then I turn around and look and nope, not really a change. Same issues.
So is it me? Is there something wrong with me? I don't have enough faith, or I don't want it enough? Is it God. Does he really promise to change people?
Right now I keep flipping mentally back to Paul. His thorn in the side. God didn't remove it from him. Whether that thorn was physical, or spiritual is highly debated. Regardless, he wanted it gone and God didn't move it.
If these things that I want to change, and they are things that would be good change, haven't changed after so long trying will they ever? If you've read this blog at all you can probably name them. The big 3. My handling of money, my weight and my diligence with teaching the girls.
Is there hope? Right now I just don't know. I'm swinging back and forth between my upbringing which says, "Of course! There is always hope! God changes hearts." and my reality right now which is, "Nope. I don't see evidence for me that I can or will change permanently."
Not a fun place to be but here I sit. Here I think. I want my faith that I can change, back. But I don't want an empty, hollow faith in that, I want proof, real life evidence that I can and will change. It's the middle of the day so it's not a midnight mood. Hormones probably are playing a part, they always are, aren't they? Nonetheless this is where I am.
Tuesday, October 12, 2010
Dr. Pepper is not my friend.
I do hope this is not going to become a habit! This blogging when I should be sleeping. I love to sleep. This afternoon while eating a jalapeno popper I needed a drink so I grabbed a Dr. Pepper, purchased for our entertaining today and because I really really like Dr. Pepper! If I had thought to look at the time perhaps I would've grabbed a rootbeer or even a glass of water. That would've been wise! But I didn't. I popped the top, enjoyed the fizz and drank a fully caffeinated Dr. Pepper at around 6 p.m. tonight. Or last night rather since it's past midnight here.
At eleven o'clock or so tonight I did turn my light off. I said goodnight to my chatting buddy. Then as soon as my eyelids met my brain began to race. When is the last time you wrote down your spending? This is something I've been doing for a month and plan to continue ad naseum. It doesn't matter right now! I told myself but I disagreed. It does! You can't even remember the last time and it's been a spendy couple of days. Your purse is right there with notebook, just grab it and jot them down. Like it's that easy. Like I remember exact amounts or have all the receipts IN my purse. I squish the thoughts and press my eyes tightly shut.
My thoughts twist to the week ahead. Swimming tomorrow, do I run or exercise or read my book and sit in the hot tub while the littlest is busy? Then Wed. I'm off too, yippee! a mini-date with dh. Ugh, but then four days in a row of work! Ya know, you might only work 4 ours next Saturday, not a whole day. This is enough for me to grab my calendar and attempt to read in the non-existant moonlight if that is true. I can't see so I flip the light on. Bummer. Nope, full shift on Sat. but a 4 hour shift on Sun! That's something!
My eyes glance at my Bible. The one with my maiden name on the front. I could read it, but why? I notice the green notebook behind it. It has quiet time notes in it from 2007. I flip through a few pages and read. I could've written them today, or yesterday, or six months ago, or a year ago. My fear is that they will all still be true that same amount of time ahead. So I voice my frustration to God. How come I haven't changed? Have I even a little? WHY are these struggles still my struggles? Why haven't you made me perfect yet. Errrr, or at least made me better? It feels so hopeless.
I don't really hear an answer so I flip the notebook and notice the list at the end. A list of shared goals with my chatting buddy I was talking with earlier tonight. I think to myself that I will talk about those with her tomorrow. Our friendship bloomed from the desire for accountability to work on the issues that are still issues today. Five minutes have passed and suddenly I just don't feel sleepy. I remember my original thought of jotting down spending amounts.
So I grab my purse and slip out to the living room. Then I decide I want the workbook we're going through. I make photocopies of the workbook pages so I can use them to see in front of me. The perfectionist in me wants the pages to stay pristine and white, no pencil marks! But I also want paper and pencil in front of me, doing stuff on the computer is great for somethings but for finances, I need both!! The computer AND pencil and paper.
So here I sit now. I've filled out the Quickie Budget somewhat. I'll go over it with Tim tomorrow. Oh, and I did go ahead and fill in the spending on the pages of my notebook for that purpose. I feel better now and even a little sleepy. Perhaps now that I've done these little things my brain will let me sleep. Perhaps tomorrow there will be progress. Goodnight!
At eleven o'clock or so tonight I did turn my light off. I said goodnight to my chatting buddy. Then as soon as my eyelids met my brain began to race. When is the last time you wrote down your spending? This is something I've been doing for a month and plan to continue ad naseum. It doesn't matter right now! I told myself but I disagreed. It does! You can't even remember the last time and it's been a spendy couple of days. Your purse is right there with notebook, just grab it and jot them down. Like it's that easy. Like I remember exact amounts or have all the receipts IN my purse. I squish the thoughts and press my eyes tightly shut.
My thoughts twist to the week ahead. Swimming tomorrow, do I run or exercise or read my book and sit in the hot tub while the littlest is busy? Then Wed. I'm off too, yippee! a mini-date with dh. Ugh, but then four days in a row of work! Ya know, you might only work 4 ours next Saturday, not a whole day. This is enough for me to grab my calendar and attempt to read in the non-existant moonlight if that is true. I can't see so I flip the light on. Bummer. Nope, full shift on Sat. but a 4 hour shift on Sun! That's something!
My eyes glance at my Bible. The one with my maiden name on the front. I could read it, but why? I notice the green notebook behind it. It has quiet time notes in it from 2007. I flip through a few pages and read. I could've written them today, or yesterday, or six months ago, or a year ago. My fear is that they will all still be true that same amount of time ahead. So I voice my frustration to God. How come I haven't changed? Have I even a little? WHY are these struggles still my struggles? Why haven't you made me perfect yet. Errrr, or at least made me better? It feels so hopeless.
I don't really hear an answer so I flip the notebook and notice the list at the end. A list of shared goals with my chatting buddy I was talking with earlier tonight. I think to myself that I will talk about those with her tomorrow. Our friendship bloomed from the desire for accountability to work on the issues that are still issues today. Five minutes have passed and suddenly I just don't feel sleepy. I remember my original thought of jotting down spending amounts.
So I grab my purse and slip out to the living room. Then I decide I want the workbook we're going through. I make photocopies of the workbook pages so I can use them to see in front of me. The perfectionist in me wants the pages to stay pristine and white, no pencil marks! But I also want paper and pencil in front of me, doing stuff on the computer is great for somethings but for finances, I need both!! The computer AND pencil and paper.
So here I sit now. I've filled out the Quickie Budget somewhat. I'll go over it with Tim tomorrow. Oh, and I did go ahead and fill in the spending on the pages of my notebook for that purpose. I feel better now and even a little sleepy. Perhaps now that I've done these little things my brain will let me sleep. Perhaps tomorrow there will be progress. Goodnight!
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