What If?

  Have you ever started over?  Sold everything, or at least a lot of things, and moved away, far far away?  Have you ever done a 180 and changed the path of your life?  The path that you were plodding away on and taking one boring step after another but it was routine and somewhat comfortable even in it's boringness?  Was it because you looked up ahead and saw the future and it was not where you wanted to go and the only place that path you are plodding along on lead was there. 

  Have you ever felt in your soul that you wanted something more, something else, something different?  Woke up and realised that time was slipping away and had in fact devoured almost a decade while you did the just getting by thing day by day?  That not only were you getting older but so were your children and soon, very soon they were going to be nearing a point in their life when it would be time for them to decide what to do as an adult, and yet YOU hadn't figured that out for yourself yet?! 

  Have you ever watched the one you love work day after day in a job that they once enjoyed but over time they have lost that joy and instead feel mostly stress and frustration?  Watched their body start to ache because of the labor they have done, watched them try to stand in the morning and it looks painful to straighten?  Have you ever been concerned about what they are breathing while they do the work they need to do in a place that is not correctly equipped to do that work?   Frightened that the work they do may be in fact stealing years of life from them?  Have you ever felt regret that they chose you and by so doing chose not to complete their dream and follow their passion? Not regret that they chose you, but regret that by choosing you they lost their chance at their dream?

  Welcome to my head and heart. 

  If you feel led, please pray for us.  Pray that I don't lead our family but that Tim does, and that God leads him.  Pray for wisdom, and for direction as we think, dream, and pray about what to do next, if anything. 

  We have a home, family, friends here and love the beauty that surrounds us.  There are many, many good things about where we are now. But, and isn't there always a but? something's gotta give.  Fear fills me as I consider what moving would entail.  Fear of instability and potential needs, what if, like our last start over it fails?  What if we tried again and came back worse for wear, again.  Could my heart take it?  Could my faith? I don't know.  So many questions and not a single answer to be found today.  Apparently God is working on my patience again. Oh joy.  ;)  Maybe this time I will learn something and be refined!

  Thanks for reading!

   

 

I Get Knocked Down

     But I get up again, you ain't never gonna keep me down. Isn't that how the song goes?  I actually prefer Toby Mac's Get Back Up.  We lose our way but we get back up again.  May be knocked down but not out forever. This is love callin' out to the broken. 

     Call me broken.  Call me longing for what I used to have.  No matter how far my heart may have wandered, no matter how long it's been since I paid attention.   It's never too late to get back up again. 

    Toby Mac is a man of God and anyone who thinks differently hasn't really read his lyrics or listened to the songs the man sings.  His song Hold On is reaffirming God's love and faithfulness.  It reaches my heart. 
His cd Tonight is one of my all time favorites.  And now back to our regularly scheduled blog.

     Tim and I are doing the Dave Ramsey Financial Peace University Home kit.  Last night we watched week 3.  This is a big week.  It's the week we work on the cash flow plan.  That is a nice name for Budget.  I really do like it better. Instead of a budget being something telling me what I have to do a Cash Flow  Plan is me telling my money where to go and what to do.  I like that. I'm bossy like that.  One of the outstanding notes of the night was his continued emphasis on keep trying, keep working on it, it's not going to work the first time perfectly. 

     That idea of not expecting perfection the first time is a concept that I need to apply to most areas in my life.  Instead of giving up before I start because I can't do it the first time (lazy?), try and keep working at it, it's worth it.  Constant correction, that's what Andy Stanley said.  It's going to take constant correction, and Mr. Ramsey just emphasized that again.

 In about 90 days you'll start getting the hang of it. Three MONTHS to get it right?! Are you kidding?!?!  Ok.  Taking a deep breath I've already done it sort of for the last couple.  This month still counts as month one, but hey, I've already had some practice, that's a good thing!  Then he said that even then it's going to need doing every month.  I could feel a chill go up my spine. Every month, forever?  Uh, I'm not good at forever like that.  There are only two things I've done long term, love my husband and stay married to him, and love my kids. LOL  Nope, that's not three, that's two. 

I've been given the tools to do this well.  I've got the dvd series, the workbooks, the support of good friends, and even the online tools from Mr. Ramsey for 91 days, which is the length of the FPU class.  I've got the tools to do other things well also. I've got the Bible.  I've got school curriculum.  I've got friends and spousal support. 

I didn't get this far from God, this far from faith in a week.  I'm not going to get back in a week.  It was deliberate steps that took me away, my decisions to not read His word, to not pray.  It's going to take little decisions to get back.  Reading the Bible daily and thinking on it, not just reading it to check it off my list.  Praying for my children daily the way I always wanted to, why on earth did I stop?! 

I know perfectly well we can't cover a years curriculum in a month, but it's laid out intentionally to cover it in a year.  If we do a day at a time, week after week we will conquer it and the girls WILL have an excellent education.  Lesson by lesson, day by day, month after month will turn into school year after school year.  I can do this and do it well. 

I'm not even going to tackle my health right now. I'm babystepping in a few areas already and need to keep my balance.  Put too much before me and I crumple.   As my heart turns back towards God and I babystep towards Him I'm going to have faith that the other areas in my life will follow.