Monday, May 16, 2011

What If?

  Have you ever started over?  Sold everything, or at least a lot of things, and moved away, far far away?  Have you ever done a 180 and changed the path of your life?  The path that you were plodding away on and taking one boring step after another but it was routine and somewhat comfortable even in it's boringness?  Was it because you looked up ahead and saw the future and it was not where you wanted to go and the only place that path you are plodding along on lead was there. 

  Have you ever felt in your soul that you wanted something more, something else, something different?  Woke up and realised that time was slipping away and had in fact devoured almost a decade while you did the just getting by thing day by day?  That not only were you getting older but so were your children and soon, very soon they were going to be nearing a point in their life when it would be time for them to decide what to do as an adult, and yet YOU hadn't figured that out for yourself yet?! 

  Have you ever watched the one you love work day after day in a job that they once enjoyed but over time they have lost that joy and instead feel mostly stress and frustration?  Watched their body start to ache because of the labor they have done, watched them try to stand in the morning and it looks painful to straighten?  Have you ever been concerned about what they are breathing while they do the work they need to do in a place that is not correctly equipped to do that work?   Frightened that the work they do may be in fact stealing years of life from them?  Have you ever felt regret that they chose you and by so doing chose not to complete their dream and follow their passion? Not regret that they chose you, but regret that by choosing you they lost their chance at their dream?

  Welcome to my head and heart. 

  If you feel led, please pray for us.  Pray that I don't lead our family but that Tim does, and that God leads him.  Pray for wisdom, and for direction as we think, dream, and pray about what to do next, if anything. 

  We have a home, family, friends here and love the beauty that surrounds us.  There are many, many good things about where we are now. But, and isn't there always a but? something's gotta give.  Fear fills me as I consider what moving would entail.  Fear of instability and potential needs, what if, like our last start over it fails?  What if we tried again and came back worse for wear, again.  Could my heart take it?  Could my faith? I don't know.  So many questions and not a single answer to be found today.  Apparently God is working on my patience again. Oh joy.  ;)  Maybe this time I will learn something and be refined!

  Thanks for reading!