Thursday, July 21, 2011

I'm Melting!

  Considering my mood the last couple of weeks that title is appropriate in several ways.  Thankfully the nasty seems to be mostly gone. It made Tim laugh to hear that I had actually been trying quite hard to not be cranky!  Lucky for him he was laughing post cranky mood.  

  The heat this week is reminding me of summers in Illinois.  Hot, humid, and sticky to the point of walking outside and feeling wet.  Even inside the house with the A/C on the humidity is getting to me.  My hands are swollen, my hair is a bit more wavy.  The garden earth is cracking even having been watered thoroughly and having had rain two nights ago. My peppers are doing just fine. LOL

  The girls and I have an adventure coming up and this week is full of preparation for that adventure.  Two weddings and a city trip.  A flight to Arizona for my oldest. It will be the first plane ride she remembers.  She flew quite a bit as a baby and toddler but she doesn't remember.

  Our dog is grossing me out at the moment.  She is dry heaving. GROSS!! Which reminds me I do have to leave the house to go to the Vet's office for more meds for her and to return the cone of shame. 

  My mind is a bit scattered so forgive the ramble along the bunny trails, please.  There is much to do before the adventure begins!  Not to mention house cleaning,  mom stuff and life in general. 

Wednesday, July 13, 2011

Is There Something I Should Be Doing?

  It is nearly 11 a.m. on my third day of having the house to myself.  I have this nagging sense that there is something I should be doing.  Considering my former post that has me kinda chuckling.  I know there is not.  Not really.  I have the music on just a bit too loud.  I've cleaned the fridge, started on the girls room, and even ate breakfast.  I don't have to do anything today I don't want to do. Not one thing!

  Yesterday I worked incredibly hard for the morning hours going full out until noon.  I accomplished so much and am quite pleased with how things are shaping up around here.  Maybe my sense today is more that the time is slipping away.  Newsboys are singing Jesus Freak to me right now and perhaps that has triggered the old Time Is Slipping Away lyrics in my head (DC Talk).  It's kinda odd to hear Michael's voice and yet not Toby and Kevin's singing Jesus Freak.  Ah, now we're on to Rachmaninoff.  That'll change the mood a bit.  I do love having my music on and no competition from the girls for theirs.  They don't tolerate some of mine very well.

  One of my goals for today is to work on my youngest girls room.  I'm feeling slightly rebellious at the moment because I just cleaned it top to bottom at the beginning of June and as it is only mid July I am disgruntled to find it nearly back to it's original state of disaster.  GRRR!!  So instead of working hard on it today and being the Cleaning Fairy I am going to hold out and have my youngest, the MESSY ONE work on it after camp this afternoon.  She will whine, complain, moan, and likely even go limp while bursting into tears at the utter unfairness of her life. 

I might do it right back at her!! 

  Living in a tourist area has some pretty annoying things about it but one completely wonderful thing is our lovely downtown area.  We have some really neat shops, botiques and places to eat.  Ciboulette Et Cie is one of my top choices when I'd like a treat that is delicious and also just wonderful for being local, creative, and different.  My mouth is watering just thinking of their offerings.  I believe I may take a stroll downtown this afternoon.  I could go for  Chickpea Salad sandwhich for lunch. YUM!!

  This afternoon I'd like to organize my homeschool supplies a bit and put away the Sonlight books from last year to make room for the Sonlight 7 books for this year. My oldest is beginning Grade 7!  The thought takes my breath away.  Seventh grade! She is lovely.  Her heart, her kindness, her desire to please and help and honor God reflects true beauty.  Her smile melts me.  I catch glimpses now and then of the woman she will be and look forward to her. 

  Sometimes it takes going away to realize what you have.  This week of the year when the girls are all occupied other places instead of home with me gives me that gift.  I appreciate the quiet. I adore the tidy staying tidy.  I miss their voices.  I miss their hugs.  I miss them.  That is a good thing.  There is nothing I should be doing today but there is much I am doing.  Namely being thankful. 

What are you thankful for today?

Monday, July 11, 2011

The Woman I Want To Be

  The thought of who I want to be, the kind of person I want to be, the type of mom, wife, friend, Christian has been on my mind a lot lately.  For years I have considered the type of wife, mom, friend, Christian I should be.  There is a difference. 

  Considering who I should be comes from guilt, or less vile sounding from a sense of responsability, and sometimes just as harsh, a sense of expectation.  Shoulds are hard to live up to and when failure to meet up to should comes it leaves a bitter taste and a long memory.  Shoulds oppress and force by fear of failure, resignation and emptiness. 

  Today I am taking time purposely to think about who I want to be

  I want to be organized and to live in a tidy home.  Even typing that made me smile.  Being a sentimental, things bring back memories, book addict woman means I gather clutter almost as fast as I give it away. Living in a home with four others who are themselves clutter getters, some senitimental over things (of course not the same ones I am which means theirs are silly ha ha) means organization and tidiness are on the edge of what we live in. 

  I want to have an open heart and open home where friends new and old love to gather and know they are welcome.  I want to think of others before myself and without envy.  To be content with where we are, what we have, and how we are doing without comparing to anyone else to judge exactly how good I have it. 

  When my girls are grown and gone it would please me for them to look back and think they had a fantastic childhood in a warm and loving home.  That they not only thrived but enjoyed our homeschooling adventures.  There is so much I long to give them and offer them and it is a struggle to not let the frustration, disappointment and even anger at our inability to do so overtake me.

  When people think of me I'd like for them to see someone who is different in a good way.  Someone who is happy, thankful, peaceful and different.  I'd like to tame my tongue.  To be strong enough to hold back the sarcasm, the negative, the biting words that bring a laugh at someone else's expense.  I'd like to build people up and never participate in tearing them down.  I'd like to be the one others know they can trust. 

  I started this morning reading Ephesians 3, 4 and 5.  I planned to read 4 when I sat in my chair but found myself flipping back to 3 to start and then continuing on to 5.  How then shall we live? seems to be the question Paul is answering.  I'm going to continue reading those chapters this week and think about them.  There are too many verses to quote all the ones that caught my attention but I want to share the one that originally did a week ago. 

Ephesians 4:1 As a prisoner for the Lord, then, I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received.  *emphasis mine*  Wife, mom, daughter, sister, friend, co-worker, woman of God.  This is the calling I have received.  Homeschooling our children this is the calling I have received.  Am I living a life worthy of such? 

Sunday, July 3, 2011

That went fast!

  It's been a month without blogging. A month without just hopping on the computer whenever I wanted for whatever I wanted.  A month without wii games, or ds's, without hours in front of a screen forgetting why I got online in the first place, lol. 

A good month.  A month full of girls playing outside, reading books, playing imagination games together and drawing pictures.  We didn't do nearly all we intended to do, it may take all summer for that!

We did go to the beach, go fishing, take the dog for a walk multiple times and the little one played soccer every Tuesday night.  I journaled but forgot to remind the girls to do it and I'm disappointed in forgetting.  Which reminds me I want them to do some tomorrow afternoon. 

Overall the girls and even Tim and I agree it was a good month.  The middle one says that she really liked it. I'm hoping it will result in more time away from screens for the rest of the summer too.  The oldest was frustrated by how quickly she ran out of books.  We never did get to her sewing projects and now we have a deadline to complete the swimsuit dresses looming!  ACK!

All in all it was a successful month and I would highly recommend it to anyone who thought about trying it.  Sometimes we even talked to each other! Crazy, hey? Seriously, I think that we all appreciated each other more for the lack of electronics and my goal now will be to keep them paired down to the occasional instead of the typical activity of choice.  Bring on summer!