Wednesday, March 3, 2010

Up and Down

The last week I've been up and down emotionally and physically.  Nothing serious or life altering just life in general taking me for a ride.  I added 30 Day Shredd to my exercise plan and ran on a poorer quality treadmill and somewhere in there managed to make both my knees and my left ankle hurt.  That scared me.  What if I get hurt and have to stop exercising?! 

I was so excited to hit 199 and couldn't hardly wait to nail the next few pounds taking me to my next goal.  Then on Sat. and Sunday we ate out.  It was a great weekend, Rebecca was baptised!  Tim's parents took all of us out to eat to a chinese buffet.  I never want to eat at a buffet again.  I feel like I'm wasting money if I don't eat until I'm stuffed.  What a bunch of rot!  It tasted fine but wasn't worth it. 

Monday I walked through most of my cardio and that made me freel frustrated.  When I did run, it hurt. :( So Tuesday I decided to stick with the elliptical.  That didn't hurt!  I was able to do 2+miles without pain.  I left the gym feeling excited. 

Since Tuesdays are Weigh In days I stepped on the scale.  It hadn't budged.  199  What made me so excited last week had me completely bummed and frustrated.  I wanted to blow a raspberry at the scale and punch the wall.  I didn't do either.  So I measured.  Every other time measuring has come through and encouraged me.  I've lost an inch somewhere or other and felt like it was okay, my body was just shifting.  Well, yesterday, not so much.  :(  If I pulled in I could make a half inch difference but that's hardly countable.  So in essence my 5 extra workouts, my dilligence in my food except Sunday (Sat. meal was fine) equalled nothing. 

I am thankful for and for the sparkpeople on there who have friended me.  There were so many kind and encouraging words yesterday.  I knew I was throwing a tantrum but my feelings of disappointment and frustration were real.  I had and have no intention of quitting but I needed to vent.  So I did, and so they encouraged me.  I took a nap, took some time and by evening was in a better state of mind. 

Tim and I talked too.  I can't explain why I didn't lose, but I know that I am still doing the best I can.  He is proud of me.  It's amazing how much that means to me.  My husband and my parents, encouraging words from them just shoot me over the moon. 

I have been taking pictures to chronicle my changes.  I can see slight differences.  I wish I could see major.  I'm a little concerned that while other people see it so clearly, I have to look close.  At least I do see it!!   Also, the size 16s I bought at Goodwill last week that I love, they are baggy by the end of the day.  I'm just so impatient. 

This is week 8 of consecutive exercise.  It feels like forever but when I look at it I can see it both ways.  It's so short a time, and yet such a long time.  Where will I be 8 weeks from now?  I want to see it, I want to know already.  I want to be there. 

I'm hanging on and going to keep going. Perseverance has not been a strong suit of mine in the long term but this is a battle I intend to win, with God's help. 

I'm thankful for today.  Thankful for sunshine and a furnace that works to keep our home warm.  Thankful for Tim's good job that he enjoys.  Thankful for healthy food and the ability to buy it.  Thankful for a workout buddy that keeps coming to get me.  Thankful for lots. 

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