Friday, May 27, 2011

A Gentle Whisper Roars Sometimes

"Anyone, then, who knows the good he ought to do and doesn't do it, sins." James 4:17

  There are things I am grateful for and at the top of the list is God's Mercies which He promises are new every morning.  Since I've used my share up by bedtime each day I am so thankful for that.  My legalistic side hears James 4:17 and threatens to push me over the edge with how utterly I am failing at doing what is good that I know I ought to do.  The more gentle side responds with the reminder of God's mercies, forgiveness and grace.

  At any given moment there are multiple topics I am thinking about in my head.  Lately it's been citizenship/immigration papers, school with the girls, next years school with the girls, what's going on with my body, head coverings, modesty for women and girls in the clothes we wear, finances, homeschool conventions, homeschool used store/library idea, and summer fun.  Not all of them at the same time, they do play nice and take turns rotating through making my head spin. 

  Twice today I've had small whispers, God's voice speaking.  You'll be happy to know it's in my head.  Does that make it better or worse?  I may have to contemplate that, I'll take better because out of my head would terrify me!

  As I was loading dishes into the dishwasher this morning, my friend Jenn came to mind.  There's a discussion on going about modesty on a site I frequent.  Jenn started it. Simply by wanting to be modest in a bathing suit, good luck, eh?  Although a couple of neat options have been shown.  The conversation has since moved to wearing skirts and head coverings.  Jenn is lovely, and normal, and makes it look good.  So I was having a conversation with myself about skirts and head coverings.  I love wearing skirts.  So I decided I would start looking for more for this summer to wear. I have 2 or 3 now.  Goodwill shopping is in my future.

  Then I thought about the head covering and something she said replayed in my head.  When asked about why she does it she responded, "It's something I do to make God smile".  My immediate reaction was, "I want to make him smile TOO!"  And at that moment God whispered to me, "But I haven't asked you to cover your head.  That's not what I want from you."  That's all I had to hear and I knew exactly what He DOES want from me.  That thought makes me cry.  How can I not do it?  Why? Is it so hard? No. It's not even something people would see or know about for the most part.  It's simple, it's good, it's right.  My choice thus far to most of the time not do it is sin.   

  At this moment my heart is broken.  I know I will fail. It is my way.  But my sin has been forgiven and God's mercies will cover me.  I will start each day fresh and work to obey well, to do what is right well one day at a time.  It's another new beginning and yet not so new as all that.  Thank God for roaring whispers. 

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