Yesterday I had one of those moments where I see something clearly that hadn't been obvious to me until right then. I listened to my girls talking to each other and I heard me. I heard a cutting tone of voice where kindness should be. Then I heard impatience where patience should've been. They are becoming like me. Oh No!
I would not speak to anyone else's child that way. I would not use that tone of voice at work. It is not okay here.
I had a flash forward picture of myself as an old lady and it wasn't pretty. It looked pretty clear that if I keep this attitude and way of speaking up I will become a cranky, catty old woman. The kind of woman people avoid. The kind that people look over her head or behind her back and either roll their eyes or give sympathetic looks to each other.
As water reflects a face, so a man's heart reflects the man. Prov.27:19
In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds, search your hearts and be silent. Psalm 4:4
Getting up at 5:30 in the morning is challenging me. I feel tired and just off all day. I've been excusing my behavior because of this. But yesterday it occurred to me that I am to be kind, to be gentle, to choose joy regardless of my circumstances.
Philippians 4:11-13 (thank you Bible Gateway)
11I am not saying this because I am in need, for I have learned to be content whatever the circumstances. 12I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
Enough of the excuses. Time to live like I mean to be, be who I long to be, and pray for God to change my heart. Pray for him to turn my heart towards Him so that I will reflect Him. That way my children will also begin to reflect Him instead of me.