Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Beginning Again, Again.

I went back to the first blog I posted here and wanted to cry and laugh.  It could've been written today or last month, or six months ago.  Please God, let it not be true six months from now.  The mental image of a hamster running on a wheel and getting nowhere fast until she's exhausted comes to mind.  The past two years have been like me on a wheel.

Today I started again again, again.  God's mercies are new everymorning.  His faithfulness stretches to the skies.  What is man that He is mindful of him?  He created the stars that sing his praise, he created birds that have beauty beyond anything man has yet created who sing his praise.  And then there's me, and I am fearfully and wonderfully made.  I know that full well. 

Today I stepped on the scale and I am so thankful that last night I had already set in motion goals, plans, incentives for the next 15 weeks.  That number was higher than my starting point back in November.  I could've cried and felt defeated but I didn't.  Instead I felt immensely grateful that I do have a plan in place, I do have incentives for motivation and people who will encourage me. 

Today I simply made one choice at a time.  I climbed onto the treadmill, turned on my music and started walking.  It felt GOOD.  It felt incredible.  I am so glad I did it, and so thankful for the hot tub after! 

Isn't it interesting how life is continually shifting and changing and yet all we need to do is each day take one moment, each decision at a time?  Homeschooling is like that too.  The entire book looks daunting, but one page or section a day, one chapter a week and little by little you make your way through.  Until at last you reach the end and the goal is met.  The kids know how to identify birds and insects.  The little one who struggled to sound out three letter words is reading compound words with ease.  Take it bigger, the entire IDEA of teaching your children yourself is daunting, but breaking it down into small goals, daily, then weekly, then monthly, before hitting yearly and before you know it you've got five years under your belt and all the kids are thriving.  Praise God.  He is enough. 

So I've made some small goals.  I've made daily, weekly and monthly goals that will carry me through to the end of April.  I think my husband may just have a major incentive in store for me come Easter.  He wants to take me home.  Home meaning Illinois.  Maybe. 

See, he doesn't have any strings on that.  I'm attaching strings.  He wants to take me home, but how sweet it would be to be able to go home healthy, or healthier.  So in my mind I'm making that another reason to succeed.  I have nothing to lose and everything to gain.  I have bins full of clothes waiting to fit me.  I have pretty skirts and cute jeans.  I have outfits! 

In fact I have a hot red dress I've never worn.  It's been to Mexico, it's been to Paris, France.  I've never been those places but my red dress has!  It's gorgeous and flattering and if I persevere, putting that red dress on, looking fabulous and wearing it for my sweet husband would absolutely make my day. 

Proverbs 12:11 says 11 A hard worker has plenty of food, but a person who chases fantasies has no sense.  Seeing my success in my head and not working towards it won't get me any closer to the goals I have made. 

Now, it's time for me to get some rest so I can do my best again tomorrow.  Goodnight.

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